Or, umm, Buffalo. (Insert “Holy cannoli, Buffalo, seven feet of snow??? Way to go crazy without me” emoji here.)
You’re probably like, “Wait? What? Winter? Why are you talking about winter already? Isn’t it just mid-November? You should be talking about fall and pretty leaves and cute corduroy jackets and even cuter leather boots! We are not ready for winter and snow and big, puffy, ugly coats and even uglier boots in the shape of marshmallows! Do not talk to us about those things!”
Well, I wasn’t particularly ready for them either.
And then a whole mess of snow and ice blew into Michigan this week, and the next thing I knew I was already in the land of snow days.
Side note: Remember how snow days were, like, the BEST THING EVER when you were a kid? I’m happy to report they are even BETTER when you are an adult. I’m also happy to report that the inside-out pajamas thing totally works.
So, despite the fact that it’s way too early, and I’ve completed exactly nothing off of My Fall Bucket List, I’ve decided to move ahead and make a Winter Bucket List already.
Because if there’s one thing that makes me feel better about having to wear ugly boots in the shape of marshmallows, it’s making a list!
My Winter Bucket List
1. Put together a winter car kit.
But I’m making an exception with this one.
I’ve been meaning to put together a winter emergency car kit for ages and haven’t done it. But then this week I’ve been reading all these horrible stories of people in Buffalo being trapped in their cars for days, and it’s been seriously freaking me out.
As someone who regularly drives in crazy-pants snow and has the survival skills of a garden snail, I need to make this happen already. Plus, it will give me an excuse to stash mini candy bars in my car. (As if I need an excuse to do that.)
2. Do all the Christmas things.
I assure you I am not one of those people.
There isn’t anything I love more than cheesy, over-the-top, commercialized Christmas cheer. If it’s covered in tinsel and fairy lights and fake snow and red Starbucks cups, I am all about it.
That’s why I’ve been busy scheduling all kinds of cheesy, over-the-top, commercialized Christmas cheer this year.
Just a few things I have planned so far: a return trip to Frankenmuth to visit their Christmas market and the world’s largest Christmas store, a ride on A REAL LIVE POLAR EXPRESS TRAIN complete with a stop at the North Pole (which is apparently located in the middle of Michigan, who knew?), and a trip to Holiday Nights at Greenfield Village, which, according to the website, is exactly like stepping into a snow globe. OMIGOD, YOU GUYS, HAVEN’T YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO STEP INTO A SNOW GLOBE??? I know I have.
3. Learn how to knit. Or crochet. Or whatever is easiest.
But I feel like I should actually be doing something productive while spending hours and hours listening to Serial.
Which is odd because I don’t feel the same need to be productive while watching hours and hours of Scandal.
4. Make a pastie. Or twelve.pasty or pastie is kind of like a pot pie, but you can hold it in your hand. And what says winter like eating pie out of your hands? Really?
I’ve been wanting to make a pastie since moving to Michigan, as they’re quite popular here — especially in the Upper Peninsula. But I’d always been a bit daunted by the task.
But, after my pie-making success this summer (in which I made not one, but THREE ENTIRE PIES, and nobody died from eating them… that I know of), I feel a bit more confident that I can pull off a pastie now. Plus, now that I’m the proud owner of a rolling pin, I might as well use it.
5. Try a winter sport. Preferably one that doesn’t involve propelling myself down a mountain.
But I’m even more horrible at sports that involve separating myself from the earth with some kind of slippery surface.
The few attempts I’ve made at downhill skiing and snowboarding have ended in disaster. Like, the kind of disaster that amounts to me finding myself wrapped up in orange caution fencing.
I’m petrified of ice skating.
And I still have scars from an early childhood tobogganing experience gone awry.
But I’m determined to find some kind of winter sport that I can do without killing myself, in the hopes that it will make me actually enjoy winter a bit more.
I’m thinking my safest bet is probably snow-shoeing. I mean, it’s basically walking, right? And, not to brag, or anything, but I’m pretty good at walking. Or, at least, I have yet to injure myself while doing it.
6. Send Christmas cards.
Like, SO GOOD.
In college, I would write these ridiculous Christmas newsletters, which I’m sure were totally inappropriate and wildly misspelled, but I thought they were hilarious, so I would send them to everyone I knew. Including some of my professors. (Again, TOTALLY inappropriate. I don’t recommend doing that.)
Then in my mid-twenties, I started making mix CDs for all my friends for Christmas. You know, back when people still had CD players. And I would spend months beforehand scouring CD stores (you know, back when they had CD stores) for obscure, alternative musicians, so I could be “that friend.”
And then when I lived in Japan, I got in the habit of sending out New Year’s cards.
But I probably haven’t sent anything out for Christmas or New Year’s in at least five years. I haven’t even sent one of those dancing elves e-cards out to friends.
It’s time to remedy this situation. And it’s time to remedy this situation with a photo of my cat in a Santa hat.
7. Send a care package to a soldier.Has anyone done this? I really want to do this.
And I’m not just saying I want to do this, so I can feel less bad about being horrible human being and never ever volunteering or really doing anything good ever.
But that’s part of the reason why.
8. Read a big thick, classic novel. Possibly something Russian.As a former English major and total book nerd, I feel a bit embarrassed to admit that I haven’t read a classic novel in years.
Probably not since college. And I can’t even say I did a very good job of it back then. Usually I’d just skim whatever chapters we were supposed to read, and then use my superior powers of bullshit to get myself through whatever class discussion we had to participate in or paper we were supposed to write.
But there’s just something about winter that makes me feel like I should be curled up with a big, old, heavy, musty-smelling book. A book that is full of tragedy and philosophy and history and possibly characters named Nikolayevich.
9. Do something fun and fancy for New Year’s.New Year’s Eve on my couch in my pajamas. I have no regrets.
But this year it might be nice to actually spend my New Year’s out and about and in an outfit that does not involve a drawstring waistband.
10. Go somewhere warm.
But I do have a whole mess of vacation time and a car that occasionally works. Plus, lucky for me, almost any place on earth is warm compared to Michigan in the winter.
Except, maybe, Buffalo. (Insert “Seriously, Buffalo, OMG with the snow already” emoji.)What’s on your winter bucket list this year?