Heeeelllloooo, friends. How has your week been? Mine was sweltery and sweaty and filled with the grading of research paper rough drafts. (Emphasis on the rough. Uff.)
But it’s Sunday, and I don’t have to worry over a single bit of in-text citation or wear any pants, so, wahoo, let’s bring on some random stuff, shall we?
And it turns out I’m pretty much the whitest white person ever. Which should be of no surprise to anyone who’s met me. Because, you guys, I’m so pasty I pretty much glow in the dark. Except in the summer when I go from pasty to prickly heat.
BUT there was one exciting revelation. I am 1% South Asian!
Which I’m pretty sure means I’m descended from Indian royalty. It’s possible the Taj Mahal is my ancestral home. I think this means it’s time for a trip to the Motherland! Bring on the samosas and mango lassis!
2. In other surprising news, I’ve been named in a list of top 25 outdoor bloggers. WHAT THE WHAT NOW?
I always thought it was a stretch when people called me a travel blogger because I tend to write much more about beer and my cat and my couch than I do about travel.
But outdoor blogger?
First of all, that is a thing that exists? I thought outdoorsy people were too busy being outdoorsy to have blogs.
I guess this means I have to purchase pants with a lot more pockets. And maybe learn how to use the compass I bought two months ago.
3. Okay, confession time: I never buy or cook corn on the cob. Even though I LOVE corn on the cob because, you guys, what is not to love about corn on the cob? Not only can you eat it without dirtying a single utensils which makes me happy because washing dishes is the worst in the world. But, also, it’s basically required that you smother it in butter and salt. And butter and salt are my favorite!
But, here’s the thing: it’s not very single-friendly, you know? First of all, I worry about being that person at the cash register with exactly one ear of corn. I feel like the cashiers judge me enough when my cart contents consist of nothing more than ice cream, wine and cat food.
And then there’s the whole cooking thing. Boiling a huge pot of water for one ear of corn? It just seems so… so… single. And not in a spunky, sexy, HBO series, “I don’t need no man” kind of way. But in a “I will probably die alone with my cats” kind of way.
But, yesterday, I was at the grocery store and the corn was crazy-cheap and it’s summer and I caved and I bought four ears which was probably a bit excessive but JUDGEY CASHIERS, you guys. And then I posted a photo on my Instagram of myself cooking my one measly ear in my big huge water pot.
And everyone chimed in with, “You know you can just microwave it?” And I was like, “WHAAAATTTT??? WHY DID THEY NEVER COVER THAT IN SEX IN THE CITY???”
And, if you microwave it with the husk on you don’t have to dirty a dish!
You guys, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING! I’m eating ALL THE CORN ON THE COB. I better buy more butter.
4. Speaking of Instagram, are we doing this Instagram Story, thing?
Because a) if I wanted to use Snapchat, I would just use Snapchat, but I don’t because I’m old and I can’t figure it out and WHY WON’T YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS AND YOUR NEWFANGLED APPS JUST GET OFF MY LAWN ALREADY and b) I don’t go to Instragram to look at people’s grainy photos and listen to them talk in their weird, Wow-I-never-thought-their-voice-would-sound-like-THAT voice. I go to Instagram to see perfect photos of perfect people wearing perfect outfits and living their perfect (and completely voiceless) lives.
But, at the same time, I’ve found myself sucked into watching people’s Instagram stories a few times this week and I’m starting to understand what all the kids are going on about with their Snapchat. Plus, I’m really good at taking grainy photos. And my voice really is like THAT.
So should I do it?
5. Have you ever looked at a children’s outfit and thought, “That would fit me, right? Because I’m pretty sure I need it in my life.”?
Like, umm, this:
Well, then, you’ll love this post on toddler grandma style as much as I did. Omigod, you guys, I’m going to need to replace all the black stuff in my wardrobe with cartoon-print dresses and electric blue cowboy boots, like NOW.
6. Are you watching the Olympics? I don’t have real TV, and I’m too lazy to figure out how to watch it on the Internets. Plus, my understanding of sports is pretty much sketchy at best. I’m always, like “So, where is the ball supposed to go? And who’s that guy in the stripey shirt?”
But, after photos of Tonga’s flag bearer in the opening ceremony hit my Facebook, I’m thinking I might be a little bit more interested in sports than I thought I was. Also, umm, hello there, Ning Zetao, Chinese swimmer and ab-god.
7. People ask me a lot about starting a blog even though it should be pretty obvious to everyone who’s read my blog that I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing. (You guys, I haven’t written an actual blog post about an actual topic in three weeks. I mean, come on. That’s definitely against some kind of blogging rule.)
8. So pumpkin spice Cheerios are a thing. GIMME.
9. Hands down the most useful article for international travel: How People Call Cats in Different Languages. I mean, who cares if I can say hello and thank you to the locals??? I NEED TO TALK TO THE CATS!
How’s your week been? Got any tips on cooking corn? Suggestions of Olympic hotties I should be ogling? Recommendations on where I can buy kitten t-shirts in adult sizes? Let me have ’em!