I have a new mouth to feed in my house.
Don’t worry. It’s not a baby. That would be bad.
It’s also not a new cat. That would be AMAZING. Until my current cat strangles me in my sleep because she’s not about to share my attention with anyone or anything else. Including my dinner.
No, this new little bundle of joy is a Ziploc bag full of Amish friendship bread starter. If you’re not familiar with the stuff, it’s basically a bag of bread starter that is passed from person to person hence the “friendship” part of the title. It’s kind of like a chain letter, except it’s mushy and a little bit smelly and there’s no promise of untold riches if you pass it on to your friends in the allotted amount of time.
But there is the promise of lots of bread. Lots of sweet, delicious, cinnamonny bread. Which is pretty much the equivalent to untold riches in my book.
In order to keep the bread starter active and happy, you have to follow a pretty rigorous schedule of daily massages and semi-regular feedings of flour, sugar and milk. It’s all very complicated.
You guys, I have trouble enough keeping up with my own maintenance and feeding. Okay, maybe I don’t have so much trouble with the feeding part because GIRL’S GOTTA EAT. But maintaining? Gah! That’s the worst! I mean, DO I REALLY HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH AGAIN??? DIDN’T I JUST DO THAT LAST NIGHT???
So, needless, to say I’ve had more than a bit of trouble keeping on top of my bread starter schedule. After the first week and a half of sticking to it, I have since slacked off, shoving the bag of starter into a dark corner of my kitchen counter, trying not to make eye contact with it for fear that it will bring back bad memories of Annabell, my childhood guinea pig, and all the other childhood pets I neglected after the first initial honeymoon period. You know, once the whole wonder of dressing them up in tiny doll clothes started to wear off.
The other issue I’m having with my new dependent is the fact that if you do feed it regularly, you end up with a LOT of starter. You’re supposed to pass on the excess starter to friends. But I don’t really have that many friends to pass it on to. Can I just give out Ziploc bags of yellowish fermented goo to people I only kind of know? I don’t feel like that’s really appropriate. Like, “Oh, hey, remember me? From the gym? I asked you if you were using the elliptical? Here’s a bag of bread goo. No, don’t thank me. It’s nothing, really.”
So, until I find more people to give my bread goo away too, I guess I’m just stuck making lots of bread. Lots of sweet, delicious, cinnamonny bread.
I suppose there are worse fates in life.
Like the fate that befell Annabell, the neglected, flamenco-dress-wearing guinea pig.
(Annabell, wherever you are, I’m sorry!)
What’s your favorite bread to make? Does it involve feeding a bag full of goo?