Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends out there! And happy random Thursday to all you other folks!
I was going to write a post about all the things I’m thankful for this year, but then I decided that’s been a bit overdone. Like, by every single blogger in the universe ever.
Heck, I’ve even written a few of those posts myself despite my being the most ungrateful human on the planet. And every time I do I always leave something or someone super important out. Like donuts or my mom and I feel like a real jerk.
Because, I mean what kind of person fails to mention her gratefulness for donuts?
Or, umm, her mom.
(Love you, Mom!)
So, instead of talking about all the really wonderful stuff that I’m grateful for, I’ve decided to express my thankfulness for things that truly, absolutely suck. Because, I mean, any old schmo can be grateful for good stuff. But it takes a truly exceptional, Gandhi-like human to feel thankful for all the sucky stuff.
(Yes, it’s possible I just compared myself to Gandhi. On a related note, I’m also super grateful for my total lack of humility.)
6 Things I’m Thankful For Even Though They Totally Suck
1. My cat
Oh, I know, I’m always posting adorable photos of my cat on Instagram and this blog here.
But don’t let her adorableness fool you — this cat is pure evil.
How else can you explain the fact that she has managed to destroy all my furniture despite her lack of claws?
And the fact that it took her approximately five seconds to figure out how to flip over the expensive, new, “un-spillable” water dish that I bought her?
And that she wakes me up every morning at exactly six o’clock because, apparently, if she doesn’t get fed every morning at exactly six o’clock she will die of starvation?
But, gosh, she’s cute.
And I have to say that an alarm clock that bites you every time you try to make it shut up is a pretty effective alarm clock.
2. My stompy, chain-smoking upstairs neighbor.
So, I got a new upstairs neighbor a few months back, and, let me tell you, this guy is a real go-getter. I mean, he doesn’t let silly stuff like the fact that it’s four o’clock in the morning get in the way of his moving furniture and/or practicing for his upcoming audition with Riverdance.
He also doesn’t let a little thing like the fear of lung cancer get in the way of his smoking approximately one million cigarettes a day.
And because I live in a super old building with hardly any insulation, I get to hear every single one of his late night stompings and smell every single one of the cigarettes he smokes.
And, while I can’t say my first reaction is to be grateful for all of that, I can see how it has had it’s perks.
For example, more than once I’ve opted to go to the gym after work rather than going straight home because going to the gym sounded like a better option than sitting in my smoky living room listening to Stompy McStomperson upstairs.
Also, the longer I live underneath him, the more I’ve started to contemplate life paths I never would have seriously considered before.
Like, say, home ownership. Preferably a home far-far-far-away in the woods somewhere. Far-far-far-away from other stompy humans.
I can’t say I’ve ever been much of a winter and snow person, but this year I’m determined to turn my bad attitude about bad weather around.
After all, snow is great!
It looks pretty in pictures.
It gives you a good reason to stay inside and wear pajamas all day.
And twice this week I opted to walk the mile and a half to work rather than deal with scraping the ten feet of snow and ice off my car.
If I keep this up this winter, I may actually be able to fit back into my pants. Which brings me to…
4. That 10-15 pounds I gained.
When I pulled out my stash of winter pants recently, I noticed they didn’t quite fit the way they used to. All the pants which were kind of loose on me last year are feeling pretty tight this year. And my former tight pants? Let’s just say I haven’t bothered trying them on yet.
I suspect this recent weight gain has something to do with all the Reese’s pumpkins I ate this fall.
It’s probably also my upstairs neighbor’s fault. (I’m just gonna go ahead and blame all the horrible things on my upstairs neighbor, okay?)
But being a few pounds plumper has had some positives. For example, it’s really helped me embrace a more minimalist wardrobe. I mean, who needs to wear a different pair of pants everyday? That’s just silly, bourgeois consumerism! All you really need is one good, stretchy pair of black pants with a forgiving waistband.
It’s also helped me cut down on my clothes spending. Because you know what’s even worse than old pants that feel tighter than they used to? New pants which are all starchy and unforgiving and don’t seem to understand that you’re just going through A LITTLE THING RIGHT NOW AND, OH GOD, WHY WON’T YOU ZIP SHUT, AND THIS IS ALL MY NEIGHBOR’S FAULT!
5. Grading all the papers all weekend.
You know what’s super expensive? Spending your weekends doing fun stuff like going to movies or shopping or hanging out in bars.
You know what costs absolutely nothing? Spending your weekends grading stacks and stacks of papers!
Sure, it will make you feel like repeatedly beating your head against your desk because it’s SATURDAY AND WHY AM I GRADING PAPERS AND WHY CAN’T ANYONE REMEMBER HOW TO WRITE A PROPER THESIS STATEMENT WHY WHY WHY???
But it will save you tons of money.
And I’m pretty sure beating your head against your desk is a really effective cardio workout.
6. My broken laptop.
A few months ago, I got a super good deal on a newish laptop.
And then last week I spilled an entire glass of water on it.
Sadly, unlike humans, computers don’t feel refreshed and rejuvenated after having cold water dumped on them. Instead, they just stop working.
So, now I’m stuck using my ancient Mac, which acts like it’s going to die every time I try to do something fancy like upload pictures or watch stuff on Netflix. There have even been a few times that the shows on Netflix took so long to load, that I actually gave up and went and did something productive with my time.
Let me just repeat that one more time so you understand: I GAVE UP ON NETFLIX!
This is obviously some kind of Thanksgiving miracle.
What horribly, sucky things are you actually kind of thankful for?