Hey, it’s me! I know it’s been a while.
But I have excuses.
Yes, plural. As in more than one.
So you know this is the real deal.
I think I’m going to start my random list this week with my excuses. And then move on to non-excusey random-stuff-list type stuff. Like, you know, kitten links and the like.
1. Excuse #1: I was really, super busy. I know this is my excuse aalllllll the time, but this time it was for realsies.
First, it was work stuff, like grading piles of papers and tests and other junk, because, you know, it was the end of the semester and apparently students want to get grades. I know, right? Kids these days.
Then, it was fun stuff. My blogger-pal, Katie Aune, came to visit last weekend and we did ALL THE THINGS. This included seeing the banana car (which is a real-live thing that exists in Kalamazoo), going to Africa (okay, we actually went to Binder Park Zoo, but all the signs said we were in Africa, so it totally counts) and having a wine tasting in a haunted castle (spooooky).
Then we finished up the weekend by running a 5K. Well, I ran the 5K. Katie ran the 10K because some people are just over-achievers like that.
And I’m happy to report that I totally didn’t die!
2. But I did get super sick. (Introducing Excuse #2)
I had laryngitis all this past week, which I know doesn’t sound like something you’d get as the result of running a 5K. But I’m super special like that.
So I basically spent the last week, which also happened to be my vacation week, hanging in my pajamas, taking a million naps, reading young adult novels and watching all the Netflix.
I’m not going to lie — this is probably how I would have spent my vacation anyway even if I weren’t sick. Except without so much coughing and throat lozenges. Gosh, I’m sick of throat lozenges right now.
Coincidentally, one of the Netflix movies that I watched this week was this movie where Ewan McGregor falls in love with this French woman, who has laryngitis the first time they meet. Of course, because she is French she makes laryngitis look all mysterious and sexy and not the hacking-up-a-lung-fest that it was for me. The next time I get laryngitis I’d like to get the sexy, French version, s’il vous plait.
3. Also, I’ve been on a caffeine detox. (My last excuse for being blog-absent, I promise!) And, according to the Internets, when you go off caffeine, you should refrain from operating heavy machinery. And a blog is kind of like heavy machinery, right?
Mind you, this whole caffeine detox thing was not my idea. It was my bodies’ idea. You see, the laryngitis was the result of my acid reflux kicking things up a notch, which was kind of the result of my recent running habit. It was also kind of the result of eating and drinking way too many of the things that my acid reflux doesn’t like which I happen to love — like coffee and alcohol and cheese and ice cream and pretty much ALL THE GOOD THINGS EVER.
So I’ve spent the past week in a groggy, beer-free, ice-cream-less haze. Needless to say it’s been HORRIBLE.
Also I almost drove right through a red light yesterday.
So, umm, yeah.
I guess the choice is mine. Either I can go back to drinking coffee and have my body hate me forever, or I can never drink coffee again and just keep driving into oncoming traffic.
4. Okay, now that I’ve finished with my excuses, can we talk about shopping?
After stuffing all my winter clothes away recently, I realized my summer work-appropriate wardrobe consists entirely of skirts, dresses and pants, but I have hardly a single top I can wear to work.
So I went on a mission yesterday to rectify this situation. And that’s when I remembered why I never buy tops.
Because, here’s the thing, I have massive man-arms. And even though I can usually get my man-arms into the sleeves, I can almost never get them out. I swear those sleeves are built like Chinese handcuffs! At least five times yesterday I found myself thrashing around a dressing room trying to free myself from the sleeve-death-grip, having this moment of panic where I was pretty sure I was going to die that way. And if I try to get a larger size top to accommodate my massive man-arms, the top is too big for my torso.
The struggle is real you guys.
So, needless to say, I didn’t buy any tops yesterday.
But I did come home with three dresses and a skirt. Because, apparently, you can never have too many of those.
5. You guys, we had an earthquake! In Michigan!
The earthquake happened while Katie was visiting; however, neither of us felt a thing. Probably because we were hanging out in Africa at the time that the quake hit.
I think this is just one more reason for people to come visit me in Michigan — not only am I a fabulous host with a very comfy air mattress and a cat who will only attack you while you sleep, but also strange geological phenomena may happen while you’re here. Think about it, people!
6. Have you all tried How-Old.net, yet?
It’s possible I spent five hours uploading different photos of myself until I got the result that I wanted.
And here it is:
So, I guess the lesson we can learn from this is that Davy Crockett hats and ridiculous facial expressions are basically the fountain of youth.
7. You guys, I have excellent/horrible news. They are finally opening a cat cafe in Michigan, and it’s going to be an hour from where I live!
This is excellent BECAUSE CAT CAFE.
This is horrible because I will probably go there every single weekend and adopt five million cats. I should probably start looking for a bigger place right now to accommodate my soon-to-be-acquired cat herd.
8. I loved this article by the Washington Post on why we should do things alone.
You guys, I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOREVER. It’s about time the Washington Post caught on.
9. Speaking of doing things alone, you can now take selfies that look like you’re holding someone’s hand.
So, you know, when your mom asks to see a picture of that boyfriend you keep talking about you can just show her the selfie you took with the selfie arm and say, “Well, here’s his arm. He’s just really shy.”
10. Speaking of your mom, Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there!
Gosh golly, I don’t know how you guys do it. My cat wakes me up every single freaking morning at 6:00 acting like she’s going to die if I don’t feed her, and I can’t even deal. Luckily, I can throw some food at her and go back to bed. I can’t imagine having to actually stay up for the rest of the day watching her because she might play with matches or start eating the floor tiles or something.
I have the maddest respect for all you moms and dads and other caretakers.
And now if you don’t mind, I’m just going to go back to bed already.
How was your week? Tell me all about it in the comments.