Random (Valentine’s Day-ish) Stuff List

February 14, 2015

heart pancake

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!

Despite having been single since dinosaurs went extinct, I actually kind of like Valentine’s Day. Probably because I look cute in red and because Valentine’s Day means Reese’s cup hearts, which are my third favorite holiday-shaped Reese’s cups after the pumpkins for Halloween and the Easter eggs. It’s important to rank these things, you guys.

So, in honor of the day, I’ve decided to devote this week’s Random Stuff List to all things pink and heart-shaped.

Don’t hate.

1. I woke up early this morning (because cat) and decided I needed to make myself bacon hearts (because bacon).

How cute are these?

baconheart

Okay, so maybe it doesn’t look exactly like a heart. It looks more like a bacon blob. But a TOTALLY ADORABLE BACON BLOB, AMIRITE?

I think this was my first time cooking bacon in the oven, and I’m a total convert now. Not only does it mean not being sprayed with hot bacon grease every two seconds, but it also solves the big problem I have when making bacon. Namely, I only own one skillet, so I always have to make the bacon first before I make whatever else I’m eating with the bacon, and then the bacon is cold by the time I eat it, AND OMIGOD WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARRRRDDDD???

2. This week I went to a Valentine’s Day themed wine tasting with a coworker and a bunch of her lady-friends.

We ate a whole bunch of fancy-pants food and drank fancy-pants wine and we forced at least two ladies at the table to sign up for Instagram. Which meant I had to try to explain what a hashtag was while getting tipsy on a pink moscato called Cupid’s Kiss. This is not an easy thing to do, friends.

cupidkiss

3. Speaking of hashtags, I think I just invented the hashtag #mysolovalentine

Let’s all use it today, okay?

Unless, you know, you’re not solo because that would be weird.

4. Last year, I spent Valentine’s Day by myself at the local skating rink, watching a Valentine’s Day hockey game. BECAUSE THAT IS A THING THAT EXISTS! You guys, even the ice was pink and had little red hearts!

DSC07490

It was super awesome, until the guy next to me leaned over and asked me why I was alone, and then it became awkward, so I drank more beer, and then it became awesome again.

This year, I’m heading back to the ice rink for the USA Curling Nationals and my very own curling lesson! I’m super excited, and I really hope the ice is pink again.

I’ve also been preparing myself with possible responses should anyone ask me why I’m alone again. I’ve narrowed my responses down to the following three:

a) My husband died in a curling accident five years ago, so I’ve spent every Valentine’s Day since then attending curling events to honor him and/or avenge his death.

Or:

b) Why am I alone? That’s an interesting question. Here’s another interesting question for you: Why are you not alone? Has anyone ever asked you that? No? Probably because that would be weird and awkward and not socially acceptable to ask someone why they’ve attended an event with someone. So why is it socially acceptable to ask someone why they’ve attended an event without someone? Huh?

Or simply:

c) I’m alone? Your MOM’s alone!

I’m kind of partial to that last one.

5. If you’re single and your Valentine’s Day plans include eating out by yourself, may I suggest checking out Candice’s honest guide to eating alone?

(And, if you missed it, you should check out my guide on eating out by yourself LIKE A BOSS.)

Reader’s Digest version: just act like you’re a high-powered-executive/top-CIA-operative, and you’ll be awesome.

6. Speaking of eating out alone, one fun thing I like to do when I go to restaurants by myself is eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. Because, seriously, if you’re going to have a conversation in public about your atrocious sister-in-law and her bad taste in pants, then, yes, I’m going to listen.

In December when I was in Detroit, I ate breakfast at this diner, where I overheard the woman next to me tell her boyfriend that he shouldn’t bring his leftover red velvet pancakes home with him. I remember really wanting to lean over and say, “Uh, you’re going to need to dump her RIGHT NOW.”

And that’s the story I tell myself every time I feel a bit down about being single forever and ever. Because, honestly, there’s a lot of worse things than being single. Like, say, being in a relationship with someone who tells you you can’t bring your leftover pancakes home.

7. Speaking of relationships I’m happy I’m not in: My sister sent me a link to this article about why Ben and Jerry’s think it’s awesome that I’m single because basically it means I can eat my ice cream with a spatula and nobody’s going to judge me.

The article is cute, but at the same time I have to think that if being in a relationship means I can’t eat ice cream with a spatula, then what’s the point of even being in a relationship?

I mean, GAH, what kind of life is that?

8. Speaking of links people send me, I’ve probably had at least twenty-jillion people send me this article about cat wine.

Because, apparently, I’m the first person everyone thinks of when they see an article about drinking alone and cats.

kittywine

I can’t say I’m not proud of that fact.

9. I wrote this post two years ago for Valentine’s Day. It’s all about how much I want to stab people in the throat when they tell me I’ll find someone when I’m not looking and about all the people I have met when I wasn’t looking.

I still feel exactly the same way.

Especially about the throat-stabbing thing.

10. Umm, so apparently there is this company that will sell you an invisible boyfriend or girlfriend for $25.

Is it just me or does that seem a bit steep?

I mean, I’ve had an imaginary boyfriend for YEARS and he hasn’t cost me a single dime. (Except when he tells me to buy myself nice things because I’m worth it.)

11. Speaking of imaginary boyfriends, I’ve decided I’d like to make all these hot dudes reading books on trains my imaginary boyfriends.

Because, you know, that’s the great thing about imaginary boyfriends — you can have more than one and nobody gets jealous!

Except for maybe imaginary-ex-girlfriend-of-imaginary-boyfriend. But, whatever. She’s the jealous type.

She’s also totally the type who tells her boyfriend that he can’t take his pancake leftovers home with him. It’s a good thing he dumped her when he had the chance!

12. Fess up, people. Who’s going to see 50 Shades of Grey this weekend?

I read the first book when it came out because I’m the kind of person that wants to know what everybody’s talking about and why they’re talking about it. (That was my real reason. FOR HONEST.)

I started reading the second book, but promptly gave up because there’s really only so much horrible writing I’m willing to get through to be up-and-up on my pop culture. (If you haven’t read the book, I suggest you just check out this page of cringe-worthy quotes from the book or these beautifully illustrated versions of equally horrendous quotes from the book. It’s basically the same thing as reading the book. Except with slightly fewer mentions of the main character’s inner goddess.)

I’m also really tempted to go see the movie if only so, again, I can know what everyone’s talking about. (SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS. THIS IS MY REAL REASON.)

13. Speaking of books I’m slightly ashamed of having read all the way through, I finished the bear-shifter romance novel I told you guys about.

bearllionaire

And I have to say I was kind of disappointed. Not because it was bad. But because it really wasn’t all that bad. I mean it wasn’t good. But it wasn’t, like, bad-bad.

Although there were a few select quotes that I’d like to share with you:

This from the heroine, a spunky, plus-sized accountant, after she finds out the man she’s been shacking up with happens to be a bear: “‘Didn’t you think I’d want to know you were a bear before I started dating you?'”

And this from the tech mogul/billionaire/bear she’s been shacking up with: “‘I’m never going to change my mind because my bear has never felt like this. And the human in me sees even more than my bear does.'”

Okay, so maybe it was kind of bad-bad.

14. So… ummm… I really have nothing else to say for this last point, I just really wanted to have a 14th point. You know, it being February 14th and all.

Consider this my Valentine’s Day gift to you!

(I’m sure you probably would have preferred chocolate. Trust me, me too.)

How are you spending your Valentine’s Day?

26

I've blathered on long enough! Now it's your turn!

  1. On February 14, 2015 at 1:35 pm Pamm said:

    As usual, you mention pork products, the computer gets pushed aside and I make myself a ham sandwich which I couldn’t live without after reading about pork products.
    Pamm recently posted..Hello world!

  2. On February 14, 2015 at 1:43 pm S said:

    To be fair, re: red velvet pancake leftovers, my fiance has taken home leftovers that he had absolutely no intention of ever touching again, because he somehow felt that it was more polite to the waitstaff to let them think that the food was great and he was just not hungry enough. (Does this make any sense to anyone else? I’ve not taken leftovers that were AMAZING in some instances, usually because I was away from home and had no way to store them, so if I was a waitress and someone didn’t want leftovers I wouldn’t even think to wonder what they thought of the food). And then not only is it more work to package the leftovers, but then they end up sitting in our fridge taking up space for a week until I go “hey, aren’t you going to eat this?” and then have to throw them out.

    • On February 15, 2015 at 9:10 am Sally said:

      Okay, I can kind of (KIND OF) understand the argument about not taking the leftovers with you if you’re traveling. (And, in fact, at the very same diner, I was forced to leave behind what was left of my AMAZING graham-cracker encrusted French toast as I was traveling and didn’t have a hotel with a fridge). But I had overheard enough of this couple’s conversation to understand that they, unlike me, were not fridge-less. From my understanding of their conversation, the boyfriend wanted to take the pancakes home but the girlfriend told him not to because the pancakes were, in her words, “just sugar.” Which, honestly, is not any kind of valid argument in my book. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. On February 14, 2015 at 2:32 pm kathi g said:

    so far, on this lovely, lonely day of love, I have bought myself Season 1 of Scandal, a really nice bottle of wine (as opposed to the semi nice bottle(s) of wine that are my usual habit), a heart shaped sour cherry hand pie, and a small box of chocolates. In the words of the great Donna from Parks and Rec, Treat Yo Self! Happy VD, Sally!

  4. On February 14, 2015 at 2:40 pm Isabelle said:

    Not doing anything, will probably start working on my taxes…
    And yes I admit, I’m planning to go see 50 Shades. I agree, it was badly written… but also kind of addictive… First book was fun and made me feel embarassed to read it on the subway!, the second book was like ‘ok… what’s next?’, the third book made me say ‘sex again? seriously?’. But still, I think I will go see the movie…

    • On February 15, 2015 at 9:04 am Sally said:

      I just booked my ticket to go see it this afternoon! Luckily, I’ll be at the cinema where they serve beer. So, you know, when things get steamy and I start to feel awkward that I’m sitting next to strangers, I can just drink more beer. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. On February 14, 2015 at 3:55 pm Marcia said:

    My answer to “why are you alone” is “I prefer to be alone”.

    • On February 15, 2015 at 9:01 am Sally said:

      This is a good response, but, to be honest, it’s not always true for me. There are a lot of things I prefer to do by myself — like movie-watching and shopping and, for the most part, traveling. But there are other things — like festival-going and hockey-watching — that I think would be more fun with another person (or at least more convenient — you know, so you have someone to send to go get the beer and you don’t have to do it by yourself all the time). But I can’t convince anyone to go or I’m too lazy to bother convincing anyone to go, so I just go do it by myself.
      I guess my biggest problem with that question, though, is not how I answer it but the fact that it’s even asked. I don’t ask anyone why they come to things with their wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/cousin/whatever. So why do they get to ask me why I come to things alone? It reminds me of when people in Asia would ask me why I wasn’t married. I don’t go around asking people why they ARE married, so why do they get to ask me why I’m NOT married.
      The other thing that irks me about both of these questions is that they are not questions that are typically asked to men — just women. At least in Asia, I could chalk it up to culture/tradition/whatever. In America, I feel like we should be at the point where it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to go do something on her own without being questioned about it.
      And…. end rant. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. On February 14, 2015 at 6:44 pm becky hutner said:

    HA! i’ve got a new book idea for you. “The Unbrave Girl’s Guide to being Single and Fabulous.” And of course the first chapter would be titled “Spend Valentine’s Day at a Curling Match (and make everyone with a date feel really awkward).”

    http://canadianinlosangeles.com
    becky hutner recently posted..My Top 10 Films of 2014!

  7. On February 14, 2015 at 8:00 pm elizabeth said:

    This may be my favorite Valentine’s Day post ever.
    elizabeth recently posted..Pleasantly surprised by @SteelCactusPgh

  8. On February 15, 2015 at 3:53 pm Joanne said:

    When I was single and I went out alone-which took a long time to get use to and only usually to the movies-I thought people would stare and point at me as “single”. Now that I’m married and I still go out alone a LOT more than I thought I would married-to the movies, the museum, to eat, etc.-and without my rings, it never occurs to me that anyone might think anything about me being alone. And no one has asked. So, I don’t think people really wonder for the most part. I think it’s how we feel and think about it ourselves that makes us aware if people are staring and pointing and hanging signs on us or not.

    • On February 15, 2015 at 5:40 pm Sally said:

      I wouldn’t say I feel like people are pointing and staring when I go out alone (at least not compared to when I lived in China where people did point, stare, take pictures, etc… but not because I was alone). And, for the most part, I feel really comfortable doing stuff on my own. Especially going to the movies and eating out and traveling because I pretty much do that stuff on my own all the time. It’s the other stuff — like camping and going to sporting events and concerts and festivals and other kinds of things that I don’t see a lot of solo people doing (at least not around here). That’s the stuff that makes me feel kind of self conscious. And I have a surprising lot of people ask me why I’m alone or tell me they would never do what I’m doing alone, so I do think people wonder and think it’s a bit weird (or scary or whatever)… even if they’re not staring and pointing (and thank god they’re not doing that because that definitely gets old fast!).

  9. On February 15, 2015 at 10:44 pm Priya said:

    As always, UnBrave Girl, I’ll be your Valentine <3. All you need to do is buy me a plane ticket and you can have some Priya lovin' at your doorstep the next day. And, I think the "your MOM'S alone" reference, is the best.
    Priya recently posted..How To Introduce Hostels To Your Dad

    • On February 21, 2015 at 9:41 am Sally said:

      Aww, thanks, Priya. But I’d really rather that you buy ME a plane ticket so I can meet you in Australia! That sounds MUCH NICER than our hanging out in wintry Michigan.

  10. On February 17, 2015 at 5:11 pm Alisa said:

    Oh my goodness. I just read all those quotes out-loud to my boyfriend. They are soooo horrible. I’m so glad I never read the book xD
    Alisa recently posted..Photo Sunday: Valentine’s Day Sushi

    • On February 21, 2015 at 9:40 am Sally said:

      I will say the book was highly entertaining in that it made me bust out laughing regularly… even in the middle of sexy scenes. The movie also had a similar effect. I suspect this was neither the author’s nor the director’s intent.

  11. On March 4, 2015 at 2:46 am Ceri said:

    Curling! That’s the broomstick sport I meant earlier! (And, wow, you knew what I recommended even before I recommended it.)
    Ceri recently posted..My Five Favourite Things in February

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