Well, apparently, you people really must like having your sanity questioned because last weekend this happened:
But, hey, who am I to fight with you people?
As they say, the heart wants what the heart wants. And, apparently, the heart wants cat videos. (Can you blame it? Who doesn’t want cat videos?)I’ve been racking my brain all week trying to think of a suitable thank you gift.
I’ve already given you unicorn-ponies. And unicorn-cats. And unicorn-one-eyed-chihuahuas.
And, well, I’m clean out of rainbows and leprechauns.
I’d make you all cookies, but I think we all know how that would end up. Namely, with me eating about five billion cookies. Not that I really have a problem with that. But my pants might.
And, then, last night I went to a poetry reading because isn’t that what you do on a Saturday night?
And that’s where I got an idea. I should write you all a poem!
Now, before I get started, I should probably preface this by saying it’s been something like fifteen years since I last wrote a poem.
Back in college, I used to write my fair share of poems. Usually melodramatic affairs about horrible life events, like eating a cookie that you think has chocolate chips in it and discovering that the chocolate chips are actually raisins and, SERIOUSLY, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ON PUTTING RAISINS IN PLACES WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG???
But it’s been a while since my iambic pentameter days, so excuse me if my poem is a tad bit rusty. Also, I can’t rhyme to save my life.
But here goes:
An Ode to the Crazy People Who Vote for Me for Awards I Really, Probably Don’t Deserve
You are like rainbows and sunshine and beer that tastes like sunshine.
You are like cat videos,
And dog videos,
You are like cookies with chocolate chips that are actually chocolate chips and not raisins because WE ALL KNOW THAT RAISINS ARE A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY.
You are like unicorns,
But more magical,
And more glittery,
And I didn’t even think that was possible.
You are really pretty and nice and I like your sweater,
And I’m not just saying that because you all voted for me for an award I don’t deserve,
I mean it.
Also, I think you’re a little bit crazy,
Or, well, maybe a lot bit crazy,
But that’s okay because I’m kind of the same way.Now it’s your turn. Write me a poem. Or do whatever your heart desires. Especially if your heart desires cat videos.