1. I am broke.
2. I have the pretty regular habit of convincing myself that I “deserve” stuff I cannot afford, like nice hotel rooms and airplane tickets and dresses I probably won’t wear. I’m never entirely sure what I’ve done to deserve this stuff. BUT SHUT UP, REASONABLE MIND-VOICE. NOW HERE’S MY CREDIT CARD, AND GIVE ME MY STUFFS.
3. I have very recently realized that my aforementioned habit has lead to my aforementioned broke-ness. I know. I probably should have realized this way before now. But I have never been particularly good at personal finances. Or logical reasoning. Or, really, basic common sense.
4. I have recently vowed to stop buying stuff I can’t afford. Because, you know, I kind of like my kidneys, and it would be a shame to have to sell them off, so I can pay off my credit card.
And that’s how I found myself staying in a hostel in New York City when I was there for Women’s Travel Fest a few weeks ago.
And, you know what, despite being really old and crotchedy and used to creature comforts, like, say, not having to share my bathroom with strangers, I really didn’t mind it.
In fact, I’d maybe even do it again.
After all, it’s a good way to travel and keep my kidneys.
Tips for Staying in a Hostel if You’re Old
Tip # 1: Book a private roomHere’s a fun fact about hostels that you might not know if the last time you stayed in one you were eighteen years old and on your first trip overseas and you didn’t mind sleeping in rooms full of strangers because THIS IS A FUN ADVENTURE, YOU GUYS, LET’S ALL BE FRIENDS RIGHT NOW:
They usually have private rooms.
Granted the private rooms are nothing fancy.
For example, this was my private room in the hostel in New York City:
It was just big enough to fit the ridiculous amount of shoes I had packed.
I had to share a bathroom on the hallway, but I did have my very own sink and mirror.
Which came in handy for all those times when it was necessary to take mirror selfies.
And, let’s just say, there were a lot of those times.
Tip #2: Ear plugsHere’s something else you need to know about me: I have the super-sonic sleep-hearing of a fruit bat.
It doesn’t matter that I’m old and the rest of my body parts have started to soften and malfunction. A pin could drop on a pillow in Argentina, and I would hear it in my sleep and wake up.
I can’t sleep through other people snoring or talking or stomping up the stairs in the middle of the night. And there was a lot of that going on in the hostel where I stayed because the walls were made out of tissue paper and take-out containers and KIDS THESE DAYS AND THEIR NOISE.
I could hear everything through those walls. Including a whole lot of things I can’t un-hear.
These earplugs saved my life.
And the lives of everyone else in that hostel because I am not a nice person when I don’t get my sleep.
Tip #3: Don’t eat the free breakfast.Here’s another fun fact about hostels: you usually get a free breakfast.
There aren’t a whole lot of things I love more in this life than breakfast. Besides, maybe dinner. And lunch. And second breakfast.
So I’m pretty much the last person on earth to skip a breakfast — especially a free breakfast — because FREE BREAKFAST, YOU GUYS.
But I didn’t eat a single free breakfast in the hostel in New York City.
When I was younger and stayed in hostels, I would make a point of eating as much of the free breakfast as possible. Even if that meant elbowing French teenagers in the stomach so I could get more cornflakes. Because, hey, I was young and poor and maybe if I ate enough breakfast I could skip lunch and save money.
But these days I’m old, and have a job that pays me cash-money, and skip lunch? But why?
Besides I was in NEW YORK FREAKING CITY. I wasn’t about to waste stomach space on a decent free breakfast, when I could have breakfast served to me on a silver platter.
Sure, it was not free. It wasn’t even cheap. But I deserved it.
Nevermind, that I have no idea what I did to deserve it. JUST SHUT UP, REASONABLE MIND-VOICE. AND GIVE ME MY FANCY-PANTS BREAKFAST ALREADY.Are you old? Do you stay in hostels? How do you survive them? P.S. Voting for the Bloggies closes this Sunday, March 23rd, and my blog is up for Most Humorous Weblog. Vote for me — pretty, pretty please with sparkles and cookies and unicorns on top!