Date a Girl Who Watches Cat Videos

February 1, 2014
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My Facebook feed has been blowing up like whoa this week with all those (Don’t) Date a Girl Who Travels/Reads/Eats Bacon posts. And they’ve been driving me more than a bit bonkers. Because I’m like WHO ARE THESE GIRLS??? THESE GIRLS DO NOT EVEN EXIST.

Or, at the very least, these girls are so very, very much not me even though I travel/read/eat bacon. (Not necessarily in that order. We all know bacon comes first.)

And while none of these posts describe me (although, admittedly, the bacon one comes close), I do think you guys should be dating ME. I mean, not all of you guys. That would be awkward. And kind of hard to keep track of.

But one of you should probably be dating me. Especially if that one of you looks like Gilles Marini or Li Shang from Mulan (which is a completely and totally legit celebrity crush even if he is a cartoon so shut up about it already).

So I decided to hop on the blog post bandwagon and write my own. Here we go:

Date a girl who watches cat videos. She’s the one with the messy hair because she hasn’t owned a hairbrush since the seventh grade and who has time to do hair BECAUSE CAT VIDEOS.

Date a girl who watches cat videos. You will recognize her by the snort-laughter coming from the bedroom at eleven o’clock at night because she’s watching this video on her cell phone because any time is a good time for cat videos.

Date a girl who watches cat videos. Not dog videos. Or hedgehog videos. Or cute bunny jumping videos. (Although, we like her. And would totally approve of you dating her if this whole thing with the cat-video-watching-girl doesn’t work out. Like if she dies. Or ends up marrying Gilles Marini. By accident.)

Date a girl who watches cat videos. Because then you can watch cat videos, too, but you won’t have to worry about your friends making fun of you because you can tell them your girlfriend totally made you do it. (By the way, your friends sound like jerkholes. I mean I know they’re guys and all, but that doesn’t mean they have the right to make fun of cat videos BECAUSE CAT VIDEOS!)

Date a girl who watches cat videos. Because she’s also really good at making pancakes. And making small talk with your parents. And she will be nice to your friends even if she kind of thinks they are jerkholes. And she will never make you go shopping because she loves shopping by herself and will actually get kind of annoyed if you want to go shopping with her. And she doesn’t care if you watch football or play video games because she’s too busy doing her own thing (namely, WATCHING CAT VIDEOS).

Date a girl who watches cat videos. Because she also likes to travel and read and eat bacon, but she’s not all braggy and annoying and inventing-some-weird-fake-girl-that-doesn’t-even-exist about it. (Okay, so maybe she’s a little bit braggy about the bacon thing. But, in her defense, BACON.)

Date a girl who watches cat videos. And, just so we’re entirely clear on this, by “a girl who watches cat videos” I totally and completely mean me, okay?

Your turn! Who do you think people should/should not date? And are you loving these “(Don’t) Date a Girl/Boy” posts or are they driving you bonkers, too? (I mean, aside, from this post which TOTALLY ROCKS.)
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I've blathered on long enough! Now it's your turn!

  1. On February 1, 2014 at 1:57 pm Steph said:

    I love this!!!! The Date a Girl Who Travels thing really annoyed me, I think because it describes a certain Manic Pixie Dreamgirl who really doesn’t exist. I mean I’m a girl who travels and 85% of that stuff has nothing to do with me.

    I’ll go with Date A Girl Who loves Ice Cream. Because people who don’t like ice cream are weirdo jerks.
    Steph recently posted..Friday Postcard: Rubber Ducky

  2. On February 1, 2014 at 3:20 pm Heather said:

    As I read this, my husband and I are watching an episode of “Too Cute” on Animal Planet, a show dedicated to puppies (and sometimes kittens). He not-so-secretly loves that this is how I choose to spend my Saturday afternoon. OMG the next episode has a piglet. SO watching! But I digress. Date a girl who won’t share her dessert. And by won’t share I mean will stab you with her fork if you try to sneak a bite. Because DESSERT.
    Heather recently posted..The Best Meals We Ate in NYC: Northern and Eastern Europe Edition

  3. On February 1, 2014 at 3:33 pm Katie said:

    Ahhhhh haaaaa haaaa haaaa! This is awesome. Thank you.
    Katie recently posted..Groceries and Beer

  4. On February 1, 2014 at 3:36 pm Sid said:

    I loved the first one that i read – date an illiterate girl. But all the others feel like copycats. This formula is so tired and overused already. Also i think you should send the surplus guys, that you’ll get from writing this post, my way. I promise to take good care of them.

  5. On February 1, 2014 at 3:41 pm MaryAnne said:

    Agreed! The Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels did my head in when I read it (didn’t read the others so not too many flames around the sides of my face). Travel doesn’t have to mean being a total flake (nor does it mean you can’t find willing boys who will follow you around the world if you so desire, as has been my long time habit).

    And you are definitely on to something here.

    I mean seriously, I managed to somehow get married and knocked up (and still travel) to/by/with someone I actively courted with 1. cat videos and 2. wok chapatis.

    Make of this what you will.
    MaryAnne recently posted..Things That Are Absurdly Easy in a Country Where You Speak the Language: Haircuts!

  6. On February 1, 2014 at 4:19 pm Liz said:

    Epic post Sally, love it!
    Liz recently posted..Communing with the Gods in Meteora, Greece

  7. On February 1, 2014 at 6:58 pm Sarah said:

    Yes! That “Don’t Date A Girl Who Travels” thing is popping up everywhere for me lately and each time I read it, I try to figure out what I’m missing. I’m a travel junkie, I swear I am! I’m just also not…I don’t know. So closed-minded to other ways of living I wouldn’t be willing to try them, too? I don’t know, all of these just hint at this general “Let me put x group of people down because they’re not like me, but I’ll do it quietly, cuz I’m super sneaky-like” idea that just drives me crazy. Different strokes for different folks.

    That said, you should TOTALLY date a girl who always has to take her biggest suitcase everywhere, because she will have something for any situation you could possibly run into while traveling.
    Sarah recently posted..10 years with a bum heart

  8. On February 1, 2014 at 9:59 pm Priya said:

    I haven’t paid much attention to those articles ( though I’ve seen them). And, Sally, you already have material to use when you fill out your online dating profile. And you have a username already too! (Ahem… CatGirl or CatGurl or KatGirlie… we’ll work on it). I must say, BacanGirl or TravelGirl Or ReadGirl better watch out.
    Priya recently posted..Dance Like No One Is Watching

  9. On February 2, 2014 at 1:10 am Tawny of Captain and Clark said:

    Okay, but wait. I’ve had a crush on Shang ever since I first laid eyes on him. I didn’t know there was competition.

    Also, I loved this!
    Tawny of Captain and Clark recently posted..A Guy’s Guide to Vegas

  10. On February 2, 2014 at 1:40 am Laura @ RoamFarAndWide said:

    Thank you for this! That Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels pissed me off. Made it seem like a traveler (me) was just an immature, selfish (but sooo interesting) flake.
    I like your version much better.

  11. On February 2, 2014 at 2:32 am Caitlyn said:

    I think I love you a little bit more for this!
    Caitlyn recently posted..Why I’m not that ‘girl who travels’

  12. On February 2, 2014 at 5:10 am Kerry said:

    I had not seen those posts before now, and, er, gosh. Maybe I’m missing something but is it anything less complicated than

    1. Date a person who you like and who likes you and you like doing things together

    2. Don’t date a person you don’t like or who doesn’t like you or you don’t like doing things together

    THE END

    ?
    Kerry recently posted..Bunratty Folk Park and Castle: Ireland’s weirdest historical theme park

  13. On February 2, 2014 at 7:36 am Rachel of Hippie in Heels said:

    too funny! that post annoyed me too & i had people tagging me in it on FB left and right.. I’m like that does not even come close to describing me! except the ONE thing: travel
    Rachel of Hippie in Heels recently posted..Love Hate Relationship With india

  14. On February 2, 2014 at 11:43 am Karisa said:

    heheh I love this! 🙂
    Karisa recently posted..2013: A Fabulous Year of Travel & Fun

  15. On February 2, 2014 at 3:31 pm jade said:

    I wrote the bacon piece – and I ADORE yours.

    Mine was a simple suggestion that you date someone real (who loves BACON), because well…. BACON+LOVE = LOVE+LOVE.

    We all deserve someone who makes us smile, and they should be appreciated and loved for who they are, more then what they have done.

    P.s If anyone wants to have a read and throw me some constructive feedback – I’d love to hear. This is part of a larger mission to become a better writer.

    http://j.mp/1eKm3z2

    P.P.s. Bacon

    • On February 9, 2014 at 1:30 pm Sally said:

      I actually really liked your bacon post. I thought it was well written and cute and ALMOST described me (except for the part about bodily noises… I can’t even deal with the sound of other people chewing let alone farting, so, yeah, I’ve got issues).

  16. On February 2, 2014 at 6:40 pm Kaleena's Kaleidoscope said:

    omg I AM A GIRL WHO WATCHES CAT VIDEOS! So if you decide not to date them, send them my way, k? I got really annoyed by the same “Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels” thing and wrote my own response, too. http://kaleenaskaleidoscope.com/cleaning-mess-dont-date-girl-travels/ Although I think I like the cat video idea better. 😉
    Kaleena’s Kaleidoscope recently posted..Cleaning Up the Mess from “Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels”

  17. On February 3, 2014 at 5:58 am Ceri said:

    I hate those date/don’t date posts. :/ This one makes up for it ENTIRELY because finally I can relate to it!!! 😀 Ha! We are a rare and special breed of cat video watchers.
    Ceri recently posted..The 10 Most Interesting Reactions to the News That I’m Moving to Korea

  18. On February 5, 2014 at 11:33 am Alex said:

    OH THIS TICKLED ME, IT DID! I LOOOOOOVVEEEEE CATS (as we speak, I am trying to figure out how to turn up for a party tonight as a cat). And while I am not against any of those date/don’t date posts, it does get quite disheartening to see some guy friends of mine becoming rather enamoured with those posts. And by enamoured, I meant like “Oh, I need to find this girl, where on earth could she be” and well, frankly, like you said – she might just not exist. Or maybe she does but nevermind that. LOL.

    So yes, date a girl who loves cat/watches cat videos. BECAUSE CATS. <3
    Alex recently posted..La Dolce Vita: Venezia, Italy.

  19. On February 5, 2014 at 12:15 pm Brian said:

    I haven’t seen any of those date a girl who ____ posts (I tend to live under a rick), but I can’t imagine any of them being better than this. If for no other reason, I can’t imagine “girl who travels” to openly admit to BACON or using great words like jerkholes.
    Brian recently posted..Crossing Paths With a Gifthorse

  20. On February 5, 2014 at 1:48 pm Micamyx|Senyorita said:

    I appreciated the first ‘Date a Girl’ article I read, but it got really annoyed with the succeeding ones lol. Date who you wanna date!

    Btw, love this post haha thanks for making me laugh again 😀
    Micamyx|Senyorita recently posted..Summer Siren Festival 2014: Time For A Beach Party!

  21. On February 5, 2014 at 8:21 pm Carey said:

    The cat video you suggested already doesn’t work due to copyright claims. Might as well take it off, to avoid reader disappointment.

  22. On February 6, 2014 at 12:26 am Marta said:

    Dear Sally, it’s 6.10 am, I’m in a sketchy Red Cross hotel in Struga, Macedonia, I was woken up by the pain caused by my wisdom tooth/calls for prayer from the local mosque (thanks guys) and what I do is not looking for painkillers but replying your blog posts on my dying Blackberry. Because one has to prioritize things. For a long time I was thinking about not an asshole-y way to write that all this ‘date a girl who travels’ post is a total bullshit. (And I couldn’t find a nice way to say it). Not because you should date whoever you want, mostly because you can have a sneak peek to the author’s head: ‘I’m sooo cool, free-spirited, open-minded, with wind in my hair. It takes me a while to answer where I’m from, because I left my heart in Ubud, part of my soul is in that Tibetan monastery and my toothbrush somewhere between Osaka and Tokio (open backpack pocket, shit happens).’. This is so PRETENTOUS! I can’t stand it! No, sweetie, travelling doesn’t make you special. Most of the middle-class youngsters from the Rich North travels this way at some point of their life and there is nothing to brag about. Just a fashion. If a guy tells me that he’d like to travel and he can afford it, but he doesn’t, because of carbon footprint and the fact that tourism damages destinations, next day I’m knocking his door with an engagement ring.

  23. On February 7, 2014 at 6:08 am Tom @ Waegook Tom said:

    I really should have named my rebuttal post, ‘Date A Boy Who Takes Selfies In Starbucks’ but alas, the post is out there now and I shan’t change it.

    Also, Shang from Mulan is totally a valid celebrity crush. In other news, I’m kind of possibly maybe dating a guy with his physique. Fo’ realz. And he bought me dumplings. I think his post would be ‘Date A Bodybuilder Who Buys You Dumplings’. I’m totally on board.

    p.s. yes to ALL the cat videos.
    Tom @ Waegook Tom recently posted..The Best Things I Ate In January

  24. On February 10, 2014 at 10:01 pm Carmel said:

    I didn’t even know these things existed! But you make some good points on dating a girl who watches cat videos.
    Carmel recently posted..WHAT IT’S LIKE RIDING A BUS IN LAOS

  25. On February 12, 2014 at 7:23 am Stacey said:

    I shared this with my friend, it’s totally us, BECAUSE CAT VIDEOS.
    Stacey recently posted..Conversation with a friend #travel

  26. On February 12, 2014 at 2:05 pm Aleah | SolitaryWanderer.com said:

    Two years ago, I wrote Date a Girl Who Travels http://www.solitarywanderer.com/2012/02/date-a-girl-who-travels/ and I still get a kick seeing all the posts that came after it. haha

    Someone should compile all the hilarious date a girl posts. So far, yours is my fave. Cat videos rock!
    Aleah | SolitaryWanderer.com recently posted..Romantic Date Ideas in the Philippines

  27. On March 8, 2014 at 6:30 am Tracey - Life Changing Year said:

    So Sally – did this post get you any dates?
    Tracey – Life Changing Year recently posted..Oscars Stumble Spawns Hilarious Adele Dazeem Results Around The World!

Pingbacks

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