This is what happens at the holidays when you’re single

December 28, 2013

2013-12-19 18.22.21

I know single people are supposed to be all like, “GAH! It’s the holidays! Aunt Edith is totally going to ask me if I’m seeing someone. ANNOYING!” I know this because I watch a lot of Lifetime holiday movies, and Lifetime doesn’t lie, you guys.

But, you know what? There are worse things that could happen than having well-meaning family members asking you if you have a boyfriend.

Like never ever having well-meaning family members ask you if you have a boyfriend because they’ve all completely and totally given up hope.

Yeah, like that.

Or you could end up sleeping on an air mattress in the itty bitty loft in your little sister’s old bedroom. While all your non-single siblings sleep in real beds in real rooms that they can actually stand up in without giving themselves a concussion.

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My current sleeping arrangement. Cozy! And concussion-inducing!

I’ve already almost killed myself twice trying to get down the spiral staircase that goes up to the loft when I’m all groggy and graceless in the morning. (Okay, I’m groggy and graceless all the time. But especially in the morning. And especially after being forced to sleep on an air mattress in a tree house.)

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The spiral staircase of DOOM!

Mind you, it’s not all bad. My current sleeping situation does have some perks.

Like, it’s really given me some serious street cred among my three nieces. Because, HELLO, I LIVE IN A SECRET FORT.

That and I have ready access to My Little Ponies on Netflix.

Watching some ponies with my homegirl

Watching some Ponies with my homegirl

So, basically, I’m the COOLEST AUNT EVER.

All those concussions?

Totally worth it.

I think.

Wait.

What was I talking about again?

Are you single? What’s the worst part about being single during the holidays for you?
31

I've blathered on long enough! Now it's your turn!

  1. On December 28, 2013 at 12:04 pm Maria said:

    Laughing out loud – as always when I read your posts – Thanks for that. Keep a bottle of Advil nearby throughout your visit.
    Maria recently posted..Haiku – Sustenance of Life

  2. On December 28, 2013 at 12:33 pm Val said:

    The secret fort is pretty cool…as long as you don’t end up dying. I think I’m in that no one asks me if I have a boyfriend because they’ve all given up on me camp. For me the worst part is just that I have such a small family we’ve given up celebrating on Christmas and just do Christmas Eve now. If I had a husband or boyfriend I could tag along to his relatives on Christmas.
    Val recently posted..#77 Eat a burger cooked in 100 year old grease at Dyer’s Burgers in Memphis.

    • On December 30, 2013 at 8:10 am Sally said:

      You’re welcome to come to my family’s house next year. There are TONS of us. You’d never ever feel alone here. In fact, after a few hours, you’d really want to feel alone.

  3. On December 28, 2013 at 12:43 pm Tom @ Waegook Tom said:

    I am single, although I wasn’t too concerned about it this Christmas as I had my niece to snuggle with. Plus there was a lot of alcohol, and a seemingly never ending amount of Disney movies on television, as well as dramatic soap operas. Although I did have to share a bed with my brother. We had our own duvets, although he used that as an excuse to fart in the bed, saying things like, “what, we aren’t sharing the same cover!” Rancid.
    Tom @ Waegook Tom recently posted..5 Fabulous Food Trucks in Austin, Texas

  4. On December 28, 2013 at 1:23 pm Priya said:

    One of these days you should hire a male escort like in that movie with Julia Roberts that I can’t think the name of (Or was it with Julia Roberts?) and you should bring him home and tell your family that he’s your boyfriend. This will work great as a April fools joke, or a way to get a date (for a fee).

    My family doesn’t really care about the single part as much as the how-come-you’re-not-married-or-trying-to-get-married part.
    Priya recently posted..Small Ain’t My Size

  5. On December 28, 2013 at 1:39 pm Christy@SweetandSavoring said:

    Maybe the concussions are the reason you’re enjoying My Little Ponies? πŸ˜‰
    When I was single, the worst part was definitely the loneliness. Couples just seemed so prevalent, and I’d be all ‘la la la, I’m fine, I am so independent, la la, why didn’t I bring some friends along so we could inject some fun into this shindig?’
    Christy@SweetandSavoring recently posted..The Year in Review: My Top 5 Posts of 2013

  6. On December 28, 2013 at 10:24 pm Kaleena's Kaleidoscope said:

    Being single during the holidays back home actually didn’t bother me too much, but tell people in Korea that you don’t have a boyfriend for Christmas and you might as well be saying you don’t have an arm or an eye. To them Christmas is a couple’s holiday more like Valentine’s Day. Any time a Korean heard I’d be single on Christmas they gave me a pitying look and told me to just drink heavily. Which I had planned on anyway, so it all worked out.
    Kaleena’s Kaleidoscope recently posted..Making Our Own Holiday Spirit for Christmas in Korea

  7. On December 28, 2013 at 11:35 pm Amanda @amandaelsewhere said:

    Worst part about being single during the holidays? Aside from not-as-much-or-no-sex? Definitely missing having that person who is equally ambivalent about the holidays as a “thing” in general – the holidays are so much easier to get through when you have a partner in commiseration. ALAS. Shall we persevere? Yes. Here’s to 2014.
    Amanda @amandaelsewhere recently posted..Travel Superiority Complex, or, the Two Types of Travelers (those who love Europe and those who love everywhere else)

    • On December 30, 2013 at 8:06 am Sally said:

      Ahh, see, I actually really enjoy being able to escape by myself during the holidays. If I had a partner, I’d feel really bad about leaving him alone in a house full of my really, really LOUD family members while I run to the mall to buy that pair of sneakers I REALLY NEED TO BUY RIGHT NOW. (Which is one of the many ways I escaped this year).

  8. On December 29, 2013 at 10:37 am Candice said:

    “Like never ever having well-meaning family members ask you if you have a boyfriend because they’ve all completely and totally given up hope.”

    Hahaha. Yup.

    • On December 30, 2013 at 8:04 am Sally said:

      Yeah, I always watch those Lifetime movies thinking, “Who are these people asking about boyfriends? My people don’t ask about boyfriends! What’s wrong with MEEEEEE?”

  9. On December 29, 2013 at 11:22 am Heather said:

    The only thing I dreaded about being single at the holidays was going out for new years with my friends and their boyfriends. There’s nothing like getting all dressed up and paying an arm and a leg just to feel bad about yourself all night because you don’t have anyone to kiss at midnight. Eventually I started staying home and watching Dick Clarke on TV, which is still what I do now that I’m married πŸ™‚
    Heather recently posted..Top Ferreting Experiences of 2013

    • On December 30, 2013 at 8:03 am Sally said:

      I have to say I don’t mind being single over Christmas — except for the crappy sleeping arrangements. But it’s nice being able to disappear by myself when I need alone time (and I needed a LOT of alone time this Christmas as things were very loud). But, yeah, being alone on New Year’s pretty much sucks. I’m hoping to embrace my singleness and go out and have fun this year… but, yeah, all I really want to do is huddle on my couch.

  10. On December 29, 2013 at 2:14 pm Wendy said:

    As a single person,who is pretty ok with being single at this point, I am not a fan of the set up.
    “You are so awesome you deserve an awesome guy!” “He is great! And the holidays are magic!” If he is so great, why do is holiday magic needed?
    As if there wasn’t enough to do this time of year?
    As for my two unhappily married aunts…they never bring up my single personhood…ever.

    • On December 30, 2013 at 8:00 am Sally said:

      My family have never tried to set me up EVER. One more proof that they’ve obviously given up hope. Meanwhile, I’ve had friends’ mothers try to set me up. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.

  11. On December 30, 2013 at 12:13 am janet said:

    do you really live in a treehouse?? that’s sooo cool and my dream space πŸ˜€

    i’m single-ish and the worst part is not being able to kiss someone under the mistletoe. hhahaha.. cheesy.
    janet recently posted..How I Escaped a 9-5 Dead End Job and Launched a Life Abroad

  12. On January 1, 2014 at 4:58 am renegadepilgrim said:

    Ha! This is a great post. I’ve been single more of my life than in a relationship so my parents don’t even ask anymore. Throw the “lesbian” thing in there and they definitely don’t ask! The holidays have gotten really low-key too. We don’t do gifts anymore (honestly, if I need something I buy it). We have a big meal, watch “Christmas Vacation” or “White Christmas” on the TV and enjoy each other’s company. My sister and her gf (yep, sister is gay too!) weren’t able to be together this year due to work schedules, so we had a nice family Christmas with my parents, just the four of us. It was great. And I don’t mind being single, and if other people do, that’s their deal, not mine. As I approach 40 (T-minus 3 months!), I care less and less about what other people think. πŸ™‚

  13. On January 4, 2014 at 5:48 am Ceri said:

    I can’t think of a bad thing about being single during the holidays. I loved it! πŸ˜€ Oh, wait, no, actually I did miss spending Boxing Day with someone. Mmmmm. Other than that, I guess the perks are that you don’t have to share all the Christmas booze and choccies with anyone!
    Ceri recently posted..2013: The Year That Got Away

    • On January 6, 2014 at 4:12 pm Sally said:

      Wait. I’m American so I don’t get this whole Boxing Day thing. I thought it was just for sales. Is it actually a romantic holiday? PLEASE EXPLAIN.

  14. On January 4, 2014 at 3:12 pm Brittany @ Paws for Beer said:

    I get a lot of invites for the holiday parties probably because everyone thinks it’s “so sad” that I’m alone πŸ™‚

    I finally got my point across to my dad a few years ago when I gave him a magnet that indicated he should give up on all hopes of getting a human grandchild. It said “I love my grand-dog”
    Brittany @ Paws for Beer recently posted..Photo Friday 1/3/2014

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