On Being Single, Not Looking & the People You’ll Meet.

February 10, 2013


I’ve been single for a super, duper, kind of, majorly long time.

And I’m okay with that.


I’m not even lying right now or giving you a “I’m trying to pretend to be cool with this even though I’m not cool with this” smile or anything.

So you can all stop rolling your eyes at me already.

And please stop attempting to set me up with your second cousin, Harold. Who I’m sure is a super sweet guy no matter what his parole officer says.

The thing is being single has allowed me to do a lot of really awesome life things. Things that I very likely couldn’t have done if I had someone else’s desires and needs and career aspirations to consider.

Plus, I never ever have to share my cream puffs.

Back away from my cream puffs.

Back away from my cream puffs, mister. Not until I see a ring on my finger.

So I’m cool with being single.


But there are a few things about being single that I’m not so cool with.

Like that awkward moment when I’m at a wedding reception by myself and the DJ puts on a slow song, and the dance floor is taken over by couples, and I’m suddenly in junior high school all over again, and the only person who asks me to dance is Fat Kenny, who I’ve known since kindergarten.

(P.S. Dear Fat Kenny, I’m sorry I ever called you Fat Kenny. I’m sure you’re a total fox now.  And thanks for asking me to dance in junior high school when no one else would. I’m sorry I cried and ran to the bathroom.)

Who wouldn't want to dance with this? COME ON.

Scaring off all the eighth grade boys with my snappy fashion skills.

And there are times when I really want to go to something, but it’s not one of those things that I could go to by myself without feeling really awkward about it, but I can’t find anyone to go with me, and I know if I had a boyfriend I could just make him go because that’s what boyfriends are for, right?

(P.S. Anyone want to go to the Mike Birbiglia show? With me? On Valentine’s Day weekend? In Buffalo?)

(P.S. Yes, I did just ask you out on date. With me. For Valentine’s Day weekend. In Buffalo. Let’s forget that ever happened, shall we? Unless you want to go. Do you?)

But probably my biggest pet peeve about being single is all the clichéd dating advice that I receive from well-meaning friends, family members and strangers.

I know, I know.

People are just trying to be helpful.

But, guys, I’m just going to have to go ahead and stab someone in the throat the next time I hear, “You’ll find someone when you’re not looking.”

Very much "looking." At the marriage market in Shanghai's People's Park.

Very much “looking.” At the marriage market in Shanghai’s People’s Park.

I realize a lot of the people who are saying this are, in fact, people who met someone when they were “not looking.”

And I’ve seen it happen.

I’ve watched friends and family members and other people I know fall in love with people they never expected to fall in love with. At times when they were definitely not expecting to fall in love.

While it may happen that way for some people, it doesn’t always happen that way for everyone.

And by “everyone,” I mean “me.”

And by “doesn’t always,” I mean “never, ever, not even once, so how is that even fair?”

And, trust me, I’ve been “not looking” for years.

I mean, does this look like a lady who’s looking for love?

Howdy, boys.

Howdy, boys.

Seriously, you guys, if there was some kind of prize for “not looking,” I’d totally be getting the lifetime achievement award right about now.

I mean, I don’t even know how more “not looking” you can get than living in East Asia for five and a half years. In case you haven’t heard, Asia is not exactly the best place to find a date if you happen to be a Western lady. Especially if you happen to be mouthy, over-thirty, white girl with man-calves.

Mind you, my years in Asia weren’t completely romance-free.

I awkward-flirted with a few guys.

Some of them gamely flirted back.

Some of them backed away slowly while asking me if I was experiencing some kind of allergic reaction given the way I kept breaking out in hives.

I went on a few dates. Like the one with the Japanese cop. Who showed up to our date with his supervisor, his supervisor’s wife and their one-year-old child. That was fun.

And once I flew all the way from Japan.

To Detroit.

For a weekend.

To be with a boy.

Let’s just say, that was a bad idea.


I mean, when is going to Detroit ever going to be a good idea?

(P.S. No hard feelings, Detroit. Okay, maybe a few hard feelings.)

So, yeah, that whole “not looking” thing has not exactly worked its wonders for me.

This is not to say that I haven’t met tons of wonderful people even though I was totally not looking for them.

I mean, when I moved abroad six years ago, I don’t remember thinking, “I’m totally going to go and meet the most kick-ass friends a girl could ever possibly have.”

But that’s exactly what happened.

Singing "Wind Beneath My Wings." With dance moves. Obviously.

Singing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” With dance moves. Obviously.

When you live abroad, your friends become more than your friends.

They become your family.

Which means they invite you over for holiday dinners.

Thanksgiving. A la Thailand.

Thanksgiving. A la Thailand.

They push you to do things you never thought you were capable of.

This look on my face says, "I can't believe my friends convinced me to sign up for another race."

This look on my face says, “My friends are making me do this.” And “Where’s my free t-shirt?”

And they love you unconditionally.

Even when you’re cranky and annoying.

Or you’re so drunk that you start falling off their furniture.

Right before I fell off a chair.

Right before I fell off a chair.

In addition to all the awesome friends I’ve met, I’ve also made a lot of connections with random local people that I never thought possible.

Especially given the fact that my foreign language skills basically revolve around how to order beer.

There were the regulars at my local park in Japan who would shout good morning to me during my morning runs.

There was a certain Malaysian rice farmer.

Mr Choi, my favorite rice farmer.

Mr Choi, my favorite rice farmer.

And, of course, the flirtatious Chinese taxi cab drivers, who just seemed to think the language barrier added to my exotic charm.

My taxi driver & me.

My taxi driver & me.

And, well, who can forget all you guys?

I mean, six years ago I never would have imagined I’d be spending a good part of my week blathering away to all of you on the Internet.

And I certainly never could have imagined my meeting many of you in person. Which has been totally awesome. And not weird and creepy and Internet date-y. (Okay, so maybe it’s been a little bit Internet date-y, but in a good way.)

My Internet date with Barbara from The Dropout Diaries. And beer.

My Internet date with Barbara from The Dropout Diaries. And beer.

(P.S. This is not my way of asking you out on another date. Unless you want to go. Do you?)

So maybe it’s true what they say — that you’ll meet someone when you’re not looking.

In fact, you’ll meet a lot of someones — a lot of really awesome someones who will, in turn, make your life super, duper awesome.

You just might not meet that someone who will dance with you during the slow songs at wedding receptions.

But, whatever.

You weren’t looking for him anyway, right?

Besides, you’ve got about one thousand and five people who totally have your back once the DJ starts pumping out the Lady Gaga.


Your turn: who have you met when you weren’t looking?

I've blathered on long enough! Now it's your turn!

  1. On February 10, 2013 at 12:14 pm Maria said:

    95% of the men I’ve dated were met when not “looking” – a couple quite seriously – as in literally wasn’t looking and walked into them. Grab all the cream puffs for yourself and enjoy life! 🙂
    Maria recently posted..Live-Stock Options

  2. On February 10, 2013 at 12:26 pm Priya said:

    Anyone want to set me up with an Indian guy with lots of money?…
    I’ll totally go on a date with you! Pick me up at 5, Chicago time. I totally agree with this. I’m not looking either, not that I know how to look. How do you look? The closes I’ve gotten to a not-looking-date was the married guy who started talking to me on the train a few weeks ago. Though he wasn’t being a creep. I think he’s just one of those people who is comfortable with talking to strangers on the train. And, trust me, nobody talks to me on the train. Unless they’re homeless. Or crazy. Or both.
    Ugh, and I hate the reactions that people give you when you say you’re single. “Aww-you-poor- pathetic-thing-you”… keep on Not Looking Sally! Keep on Not Looking!
    Priya recently posted..Just Another Post Complaining, Chicago Style

  3. On February 10, 2013 at 12:27 pm Kim said:

    I’ve met so many wonderful people when I wasn’t looking. Actually, the best people. Actually, I’ve never looked for anyone now that I think about it. Maybe I should start looking? I wonder who’d turn up then? Anyway, great post and funny as always.
    Kim recently posted..Beauty in the Breakdowns: We Survived the Rickshaw Run

  4. On February 10, 2013 at 12:32 pm Lisa (@MsBoice) said:

    I didn’t marry until I was 42. Really. And that’s über ancient in Utah where I live. I TOTALLY relate to what you wrote. I was so very content with being single except for weddings, rides to airport, and wanting to a romanticky (sp?) concert.

    And then this happened: http://tinyurl.com/b4kmkex

  5. On February 10, 2013 at 12:33 pm Erica said:

    I was looking for a best friend for years… and lo and behold it turns out to be my roomie the entire time. 😛 She is amazing!

    I do love meeting random amazing people though. It helps me keep my faith in humanity.
    Erica recently posted..Up and Coming Over Yonderlusting

  6. On February 10, 2013 at 12:44 pm chinamatt said:

    You can invite me to Buffalo for a weekend when it isn’t minus a million degrees and buried under 80 feet of snow.
    chinamatt recently posted..Slithering into a New Year

  7. On February 10, 2013 at 12:54 pm Andi of My Beautiful Adventures said:

    The 3 loves of my life were all met while I wasn’t looking, especially my husband. I was anti-men when I met him haha! It will happen for you I promise!!
    Andi of My Beautiful Adventures recently posted..Buenos Aires, Argentina: New Year’s Eve + Giveaway

    • On February 11, 2013 at 7:58 am Sally said:

      Well, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure I will. I don’t mean to sound cynical because I am a complete and hopeless romantic, but I’ve met plenty of women who never found the love of their lives and they were totally cool with it. I had a great aunt who never got married, but she was surrounded by nieces and nephews who loved her. And one time when she was like 65 she decided she wanted a new coat so she went to Taiwan to buy one. Taiwan! I remember thinking that was the coolest thing ever. So, yeah, maybe it will happen to me, maybe not. But, whatever happens, I hope when I’m 65 and I want a new coat, I’ll be able to just head to Taiwan and get one!

      • On February 11, 2013 at 8:25 am Heather said:

        I love this response 🙂 I definitely thought I would be in those shoes (want a new coat in Taiwan? Go for it!).

        As you know, I wasn’t looking for ages and was totally cool with being single — enjoyed it for the most part too. I’m very surprised I’m married. Very glad, of course, but still a little in shock 🙂

        I met Gav in large part because I met his best friend YEARS ago online simply because we both had Star Wars related LiveJournal user names. We became friends and I eventually traveled to London to meet him and his group of friends (except for Gav, who was too shy to join the group til I was in Australia). I love all the someones I’ve met on the road.

      • On May 26, 2013 at 3:34 pm Celine said:

        Hi Sally,

        Just seeing your blog post now- 3 months late! But I love the internet for that very reason (i.e. I can find stuff like this with the click of a mouse!).
        I am 40 (41 in less than two weeks) and, with the exception of a couple of online-dating experiences, all of my relationships have been when I was “not looking.” I vacillate between being like Gigi (SERIOUSLY DONE LOOKING) and “not looking” (i.e. looking out of the corner of my eye).
        I am well-educated, well travelled (I too love the experience of meeting people while travelling) as well as quite introspective. I have always been more than OK with being single, and have subscribed to the “better single than badly coupled” theory. The problem is, in the last few years, I have felt really “existentially lonely.” My mother died five years ago and she was my only close family. I have a half-brother and niece on the other side of the planet. I have wonderful friends, but I’m noticing how delusional it is of me to think I can actually rely on them in times of need. Plus, many of my friends are married now and socializing can get awkward, even though I love my married friends too.
        I wish I could find a group of girlfriends and take off on a long world tour! I think that is my ideal.

        • On May 27, 2013 at 1:26 pm Sally said:

          Hi Celine,
          I agree it does definitely get harder to be able to both make and rely on friends as you get older. I’ve found this especially to be the case since moving home to the States. A lot of the people in this area have stayed here their whole life & have family here & already have an established social circle. They’re not really looking for new friends. It’s not like DC or NYC where there are a lot of transplants and people eager to meet new people. You really have to TRY here to meet people here. And, honestly, I haven’t been trying all that hard. Mostly because I’m not entirely sure how long I’ll be here. When I lived in Asia, it seemed to be much easier to make connections — at least among expats. Even expats who were married and had kids were eager to make other expat friends.
          And, yes, a girlfriend group world tour sounds perfect! Count me in! Now we just have to find some other single lady friends to join us!

  8. On February 10, 2013 at 1:24 pm Don said:

    I’d recognize that Christmas tree party hat anywhere. Only you can pull that look off while falling off the furniture. Now that’s talent.

  9. On February 10, 2013 at 1:25 pm Stephanie - The Travel Chica said:

    I was surprised by the great people I met while traveling. We may have only spent one weekend hanging out before going in separate directions, but I still keep in touch with them.
    Stephanie – The Travel Chica recently posted..The Drunken Tree of Buenos Aires

  10. On February 10, 2013 at 1:52 pm Melody said:

    Thank you for writing this! I feel the same way about “hitched” friends offering advice! The most recent was “why don’t you try online dating? that’s how I met so-and-so.” Again, you are exactly right, internet dating is “weird and creepy and internet date-y.” I’ve given up on that. On the other hand, I have met lots of great people during my travels, people I’m sure I will know for the rest of my life – some even romantic (though none have left).

    • On February 11, 2013 at 7:54 am Sally said:

      Yeah, I get that a lot too. And I have tons of friends that online dating has totally worked. But I tried it for 3 months, and I wasn’t a fan. I would hit it off with the guy over email, but then when we met in person there would be no chemistry at all. Plus, it’s really, REALLY time-consuming. And, frankly, I don’t have a lot of free time and I don’t feel like spending it on a whole bunch of guys I may or may not like.

  11. On February 10, 2013 at 1:56 pm Jenny said:

    I would TOTALLY take you up on the date invitation. You’d have to shout me a flight to Buffalo though (does it have an airport? I don’t even know where it is) as I’m all unemployed and poor. I live in Uganda though so pretty sure I’d turn into a hugely expensive date.

    Nice thought though. Thanks for the invitation.
    Jenny recently posted..Happy Year of the Snake

  12. On February 10, 2013 at 2:03 pm The Guy said:

    I spent many years single and can honestly say there are a lot of pluses to both being single or being in a relationship. You seem fairly comfortable with your situation and remain focused on the positives.

    I love being in a relationship but I also really enjoyed the freedoms of being single.

    Hey, what’s wrong with Buffalo? I think it gets a bad press and is not too bad. For one thing it has Niagra Falls!
    The Guy recently posted..The Magic Of Melbourne – Street Art

  13. On February 10, 2013 at 2:59 pm gigi said:

    I’m totally DONE LOOKING, not even “not looking” and I say this for the specific purpose of stopping well-intentioned serial monogamists and unhappily married people from giving me advice =P…. but like you, I’ve met amazing people during my time abroad – some of the best! Keep looking for those people, wherever you are =)
    gigi recently posted..And Then I Took My Baby Sister on a Roadtrip…

  14. On February 10, 2013 at 4:39 pm hudson murrell said:

    In college, I often got those lovely “you’re just like my brother” things said to me. For the longest time, my thoughts on premarital sex could be summed up in one word: frustrating.
    For me, I guess the key was the my wife had quit looking at the same time that I had. I was 34, and she 31. In Japan, that’s ‘too old’ for most. She had quit looking, and had set out on starting her career. As things progressed, her parents actually kind of sat me down and strongly implied that they hoped we weren’t getting married because we HAD to. They had invested a lot of time/energy into her new career and didn’t want her to drop that for some random gaijin loser boy with no future.

  15. On February 10, 2013 at 6:55 pm Alouise said:

    I’ve never had any interested in looking, or interest in what not looking is supposed to represent. I’m asexual and aromantic so I’m definitely not the person to ask for love/romance advice. I’ll say that many people I know have met their wives/husbands when they weren’t looking, and had basically said “I don’t care anymore I’m just gonna be alone forever” right before the love of their lives came in.
    Alouise recently posted..Souvenirs and A Contest

  16. On February 10, 2013 at 7:44 pm Rika | Cubicle Throwdown said:

    This is by far the greatest post I’ve read in ages. I might just start giving people this link when I get the “keep looking!” crap. Thank you!

  17. On February 10, 2013 at 7:45 pm Justin said:

    What a great piece! This is exactly what I needed to hear at this time in my life. I looked and met and played around with a lot of very very emotionally unavailable men when I lived I. NYC for 6 years. I think that city is the centre of the emotionally unavailable universe! I stopped looking, and then moved to Canada for a year and a half. I’ve worked on myself, I enjoy movies alone late at night in empty theatres, I enjoy my meditation time, and all the nice people I meet along the way. I find it interesting I read this when I’ve just come back from a trip to Southeast Asia and am planning to move to Korea or Thailand for 2+ years to work in media or teach English, anything to experience living abroad in Asia would be great. I crave the adventure and the new. I love Asia. Do you have any suggestions?

    • On February 11, 2013 at 7:48 am Sally said:

      I’d be happy to answer any of your questions about living in Asia or teaching English. Feel free to shoot me an email at unbravegirl at gmail.com. And glad you enjoyed the post!

  18. On February 10, 2013 at 11:32 pm Bessie said:

    KARAOKE! Thanks for the double shout out here! You’re coming to Chicago in March just so we can repeat all these right? Lady Gaga & Whitney Houston – I need you as my singing partner again!

    The Japanese bad date sounds awful! And Detroit?! Oh lapses in judgement…

    And I would so be your date for Mike Birbiglia – he’s outstanding! Hugs lady & hope to see you soon!
    Bessie recently posted..Can We Make the US Home & Still Live Like Travelers? How is it Being Home – Part 2

  19. On February 11, 2013 at 12:20 am Ross said:

    I got to gym class late one day in 7th grade when it was “Dance Day.” Everyone was dancing except two girls standing alone on the other side of the basketball court. Coach told me to “Pick one.” I’m not sure which one I felt worse for, the one I picked or the one left standing alone. Neither ran off to the bathroom crying but I’m sure they both wanted to.
    Ross recently posted..Western Australian Plants

    • On February 11, 2013 at 7:47 am Sally said:

      I really don’t think junior high school students should be allowed to have or go to dances. It’s just a breeding ground for low self esteem. Unless you’re one of those people who actually gets asked to dance. And we hate those people.

  20. On February 11, 2013 at 4:36 am Kera - Dreadnaught Darling said:

    I seriously love you for this post. This is fantastic and just what I needed.
    Kera – Dreadnaught Darling recently posted..Dreadnaught Darling Presents: Kraash

  21. On February 11, 2013 at 5:04 am Talon said:

    I’ll join you in the throat stabbing. I’m going to scream the next time someone tells me I’ll meet someone “when you least expect it.” Well, I can’t be expecting it any less than I currently am or have been for the last, IDK, several years or something.

    • On February 11, 2013 at 7:45 am Sally said:

      My question is when would you MOST be expecting it? Is there some time in your life when you’re going to be like, “Oh, yes, I’m totally going to fall in love… any minute now.”

  22. On February 11, 2013 at 5:07 am Naomi said:

    great post, well said. but yeah, all those people who feel sorry for you when you’re single, I feel like throttling them!! what do they think I’m doing? sitting around crying. No Way, I’m having a great time. I guess when you meet the right person you don’t want to be selfish any more, but in the meantime, life’s there to be grabbed with both hands! with complimentary margheritas and karaoke machine of course!!
    Naomi recently posted..The philosophy of travel

  23. On February 11, 2013 at 5:44 am Toni said:

    I literally just wrote a post about this (kind of) – questioning whether being honest on my blog would scare men away haha.

    I do sometimes wonder if I’ll meet someone but, like you, whenever someone says ‘it’ll happen when you’re not looking for it’; I literally want to punch them in the face!

    Hopefully I’ll meet one (or several) hot Australian men when I land in Sydney for 2 years in October – I WILL be looking for them 😉
    Toni recently posted..I am The Undateable!

  24. On February 11, 2013 at 9:15 am Eva Hamori said:

    I have been married for like 22 years to two different guys, the first of which when I was 19, so I have little to no advice on how to date. Aren’t you grateful?!

    But i will say, your blog post was so sweet, and funny, that if I were a guy, I would totally ask you out!

    Eva x
    Eva Hamori recently posted..The Art of the Éclair

  25. On February 11, 2013 at 11:04 am Ali said:

    Sally, I’ve been away from your blog for way too long. Life gets in the way sometimes, you know?

    Until I met Andy, I was perpetually single too, and I HATED those people who told me I’d meet someone when I wasn’t looking. Because really, if I didn’t want to be single, how would I ever NOT be looking? But then I decided I wanted to get out of my job, travel, live overseas, and told myself meeting a guy at that point would ruin my plans, so I didn’t want to meet anyone. And then I met Andy, who was already living in Germany, and here I am 2 1/2 years later. Crazy stuff.
    Ali recently posted..How to Pick Carry-on Only Luggage

  26. On February 11, 2013 at 4:25 pm Dania said:

    I wish lots of luck in your love life. xD
    For me, I suppose since I was 12 I’ve always been on the lookout for friends and awesome people to meet…so erm…never.
    But y’know…someday.
    There are too many fake thing in life for love to be one of them.

  27. On February 11, 2013 at 5:57 pm Lulu said:

    How about meeting someone in the midst of going through divorce, and having that someone not turn out to be a rebound, but your true soulmate? Now THAT’S not looking! Try to beat that! 😛
    (1 year together, and counting *_*)

  28. On February 12, 2013 at 2:36 am Kristin of Be My Travel Muse said:

    This made me nostalgic for Taiwan. It’s so true that when you’re living abroad, you make such close, dependable friends who quickly become your family. Looking or not, Mr. Right shouldn’t be rushed. Anyways, I don’t understand why you didn’t go for the taxi driver. Hellloooo hot stuff!
    Kristin of Be My Travel Muse recently posted..You Might be a Backpacker in Southeast Asia if…

  29. On February 12, 2013 at 9:48 am Jennifer said:

    To tell you the TRUTH: I was ALWAYS looking, because I think I needed to, or I would miss anyone who might be Mr. Right — and who coined THAT term anyway??? I may have been married for almost 20 years now, but I am not convinced that Wayne is “Mr. RIGHT” LOL – he is more like “Mr. Okay-you-will-do—and-we-tolerate-each-other-on-many-levels—so-this-may-just-work” And I was LOOKING… I created a midnight fountain gathering on campus, and it was for the sole purpose of meeting men. I had one of the first computer accounts at IU, and it was no web like we know today – no pictures. ugh. So – you would flirt, meet, and realize that the chemistry was ALL wrong. MANY awkward moments…. so I tried harder… looked more. I thought “Hey, what if I made a gathering where people meet face-to-face first, then they could flirt online knowing what they were dealing with” — and that is how I found a husband… he showed up on the second night… and he was not the first one I dated from the fountain scene either… haha. His best man also went on a few dates with me. I know, I am a freak! RUNS IN THE FAMILY!

    • On February 13, 2013 at 7:43 am Sally said:

      I don’t really know why looking gets such a bad rap. I mean, if you wanted a job, you’d look for a job, right? So if you want a boyfriend, why wouldn’t you look for one? And midnight fountain gathering sounds like fun. I think I would like that much more than my experience with Internet dating. At least if you weren’t feeling it, you could run away in the night.

  30. On February 12, 2013 at 11:11 am Colleen said:

    Speaking as one of the scaredy cats you’ve inspired, thank you for blathering to us. I love it! That was also a great reminder to savor my current singlehood… more cream puffs for me!
    Colleen recently posted..At the Market, Hoi An

  31. On February 12, 2013 at 5:35 pm Katherina said:

    From my experience, the best people appear “when you’re not looking”. I mean, I met people I never thought I was going to have anything in common with while living abroad… and turns out, after many years, we’re still close!
    Katherina recently posted..Photo Essay: My Winter Escape to the Country Side

  32. On February 13, 2013 at 8:54 am choi kum fook said:

    Miss Sally, Happy Chinese Year! I have been stopped reading your post since last November because due to little bit of health problem involved in my body.Every post in your blog are good posts. Miss Sally, do not worry so much, let things be naturally, when it comes, it comes naturally. We could not control the fortune by our own..!

    • On February 13, 2013 at 6:30 pm Sally said:

      Thanks, Mr. Choi. I hope you are feeling better! Please recover because my parents are expecting you to come volunteer on our farm! Ha ha! I’m kidding, of course, but I do hope you’re feeling better!

  33. On February 14, 2013 at 8:52 am Todd Lake said:

    I have to agree with you here. I never thought much about love and marriage when I was out of school and in the “real world”. I always thought that someday I would meet the right person. Well, it never happened. I’ve met some amazing women, and perhaps I could have been happy if I had married one of them, but who can say for sure?

    So now I am in my 40’s, and quite the black sheep with my friends and family, all of whom seem to believe that you should get married and start raising kids when you are young. Well sorry everyone, but that was never for me. There is a line from a movie or tv show, I can’t remember where I heard it, but it goes “I am alone, but not lonely”. That fits me perfectly. I have friends, I work hard, I travel, I meet people, I do things. I have never thought that I was missing anything, or that somehow my life never had any meaning.

    Maybe I will “run into” that one person tomorrow, you never know. Until then, if someone wants to think less of us for being single, that is their problem. Each of us is different. We have different wants and needs, and we all have own own paths to follow. 🙂

    • On February 15, 2013 at 7:47 am Sally said:

      I wouldn’t say “think less” of me because I’m single. Or at least I hope they don’t! I think it’s just a concept that a lot of people can’t understand — that I would remain single and enjoy it and not be hell-bent on finding someone to “cure” my singleness.

      • On February 20, 2013 at 8:28 am Todd Lake said:

        Perhaps “think less” was not quite correct, but people definitely think I am different or unusual. I have been described as damaged, scared, repressed, gay, phobic, all sorts of things. You are right, the concept of marriage is so ingrained in our social conciousness, that people are unsure of what to think of those of us who remain unmarried. I don’t know, I am definitely overthinking this. In the end, it is my opinion of myself that counts, and I am happy with my status. Perhaps that will change in the future. Who knows?

  34. On February 16, 2013 at 12:16 pm Jeff @ Go Travelzing said:

    I think I have been “Not Looking” the wrong way because it does not seem to be working. I wonder how you “Not Look” the right way?
    Jeff @ Go Travelzing recently posted..The Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge in Northern Ireland

    • On February 17, 2013 at 2:41 pm Sally said:

      Yeah, maybe there’s some kind of “Not Looking” tutorial we could take. Or maybe there’s an Internet dating site for not-lookers, kind of like how there’s one for Jewish people or older people.

  35. On February 19, 2013 at 2:25 pm Liliana May said:

    I loved reading this! It really made me laugh. I completely get where you’re coming from. I spend a lot of time travelling the world solo, and have met the most wonderful travellers. I know I would never have had the same experiences if I wasn’t single. ‘Summer romances’ are fun, but it’s never turned in to anything serious for me – I tell myself its definitely for the best!

  36. On March 5, 2013 at 9:14 am Ceri said:

    I like being single and kind of glad I don’t meet anyone. … Actually, that’s a lie because I *do* end up meeting people and then breaking it to them that this isn’t a fairytale because I’m going to move countries. 😛

    What happened to the vegetarian guy? 😉
    Ceri recently posted..Scenes from the Museo de Arte Moderno

  37. On March 24, 2013 at 5:22 pm Alex said:

    I feel the same! I’ve been “not looking” for a really long time too – and…no magical guy has fallen in front of me as yet! People keep giving me pitying gazes and saying “But you’re in Italy?!?! And you’re SINGLE. In Italy?!!?! WITH ALL THE GORGEOUS MEN?” In case saying it louder makes something inside me click and go “HEY, I totally didn’t realise! Thanks for reminding me!”

    Great post – and honestly, there is more to life! If you find someone amazing, fabulous; if not, you have so many extra life experiences to discover! Being single isn’t the be all and end all – even in the apparently no-singles-allowed Italia.
    Alex recently posted..The Italian Emergency Room…

    • On March 25, 2013 at 6:18 pm Sally said:

      Wow. I’m glad I was never single in Italy. At least in Asia, I kind of had a good excuse for not dating much — not that I didn’t like Asian guys, they just seemed very intimidated by me. But, yeah, if I was in Italy, I’m sure I’d have to explain why I was single all the time. Uggh. Good luck with that!

  38. On February 14, 2014 at 8:22 am Janice said:

    I distinctly remember the day when I stopped getting, “It’ll happen when you’re not looking” advice, and started getting, “You need to at least pretend to make an effort” advice. I think it had something to do with the flannel pants and stained sweatshirt I was wearing…
    Janice recently posted..Adventures in Lovin’

  39. On February 14, 2014 at 12:57 pm Ellen said:

    I’m 54 and have been “not looking” for years. I’ll hand you the knife.


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