And I’m okay with that.
I’m not even lying right now or giving you a “I’m trying to pretend to be cool with this even though I’m not cool with this” smile or anything.
So you can all stop rolling your eyes at me already.
And please stop attempting to set me up with your second cousin, Harold. Who I’m sure is a super sweet guy no matter what his parole officer says.
The thing is being single has allowed me to do a lot of really awesome life things. Things that I very likely couldn’t have done if I had someone else’s desires and needs and career aspirations to consider.
Plus, I never ever have to share my cream puffs.
So I’m cool with being single.
REALLY.But there are a few things about being single that I’m not so cool with.
Like that awkward moment when I’m at a wedding reception by myself and the DJ puts on a slow song, and the dance floor is taken over by couples, and I’m suddenly in junior high school all over again, and the only person who asks me to dance is Fat Kenny, who I’ve known since kindergarten.
(P.S. Dear Fat Kenny, I’m sorry I ever called you Fat Kenny. I’m sure you’re a total fox now. And thanks for asking me to dance in junior high school when no one else would. I’m sorry I cried and ran to the bathroom.)
And there are times when I really want to go to something, but it’s not one of those things that I could go to by myself without feeling really awkward about it, but I can’t find anyone to go with me, and I know if I had a boyfriend I could just make him go because that’s what boyfriends are for, right?
(P.S. Yes, I did just ask you out on date. With me. For Valentine’s Day weekend. In Buffalo. Let’s forget that ever happened, shall we? Unless you want to go. Do you?)But probably my biggest pet peeve about being single is all the clichéd dating advice that I receive from well-meaning friends, family members and strangers.
I know, I know.
People are just trying to be helpful.
But, guys, I’m just going to have to go ahead and stab someone in the throat the next time I hear, “You’ll find someone when you’re not looking.”
I realize a lot of the people who are saying this are, in fact, people who met someone when they were “not looking.”
And I’ve seen it happen.
I’ve watched friends and family members and other people I know fall in love with people they never expected to fall in love with. At times when they were definitely not expecting to fall in love.
While it may happen that way for some people, it doesn’t always happen that way for everyone.
And by “everyone,” I mean “me.”
And by “doesn’t always,” I mean “never, ever, not even once, so how is that even fair?”
And, trust me, I’ve been “not looking” for years.
I mean, does this look like a lady who’s looking for love?
Seriously, you guys, if there was some kind of prize for “not looking,” I’d totally be getting the lifetime achievement award right about now.
I mean, I don’t even know how more “not looking” you can get than living in East Asia for five and a half years. In case you haven’t heard, Asia is not exactly the best place to find a date if you happen to be a Western lady. Especially if you happen to be mouthy, over-thirty, white girl with man-calves.Mind you, my years in Asia weren’t completely romance-free.
I awkward-flirted with a few guys.
Some of them gamely flirted back.
Some of them backed away slowly while asking me if I was experiencing some kind of allergic reaction given the way I kept breaking out in hives.
I went on a few dates. Like the one with the Japanese cop. Who showed up to our date with his supervisor, his supervisor’s wife and their one-year-old child. That was fun.
And once I flew all the way from Japan.
For a weekend.
To be with a boy.
Let’s just say, that was a bad idea.
I mean, when is going to Detroit ever going to be a good idea?
(P.S. No hard feelings, Detroit. Okay, maybe a few hard feelings.)
So, yeah, that whole “not looking” thing has not exactly worked its wonders for me.This is not to say that I haven’t met tons of wonderful people even though I was totally not looking for them.
I mean, when I moved abroad six years ago, I don’t remember thinking, “I’m totally going to go and meet the most kick-ass friends a girl could ever possibly have.”
But that’s exactly what happened.
When you live abroad, your friends become more than your friends.
They become your family.
Which means they invite you over for holiday dinners.
They push you to do things you never thought you were capable of.
And they love you unconditionally.
Even when you’re cranky and annoying.
Or you’re so drunk that you start falling off their furniture.In addition to all the awesome friends I’ve met, I’ve also made a lot of connections with random local people that I never thought possible.
Especially given the fact that my foreign language skills basically revolve around how to order beer.
There were the regulars at my local park in Japan who would shout good morning to me during my morning runs.
There was a certain Malaysian rice farmer.
And, of course, the flirtatious Chinese taxi cab drivers, who just seemed to think the language barrier added to my exotic charm.And, well, who can forget all you guys?
I mean, six years ago I never would have imagined I’d be spending a good part of my week blathering away to all of you on the Internet.
And I certainly never could have imagined my meeting many of you in person. Which has been totally awesome. And not weird and creepy and Internet date-y. (Okay, so maybe it’s been a little bit Internet date-y, but in a good way.)
(P.S. This is not my way of asking you out on another date. Unless you want to go. Do you?)So maybe it’s true what they say — that you’ll meet someone when you’re not looking.
In fact, you’ll meet a lot of someones — a lot of really awesome someones who will, in turn, make your life super, duper awesome.
You just might not meet that someone who will dance with you during the slow songs at wedding receptions.
You weren’t looking for him anyway, right?
Besides, you’ve got about one thousand and five people who totally have your back once the DJ starts pumping out the Lady Gaga.