Okay, so I realize this is a few days late. But we didn’t celebrate Christmas until Friday in my house. Because, hey, my family doesn’t need a silly calendar to tell us when to party! And because that’s the only day that the majority of us would be in town.
And, since we were already messing with tradition, we didn’t eat Christmas ham or turkey or goose or whatever the heck it is you’re supposed to eat on Christmas. We ate bacon-wrapped pork. Because the only way to make pork better is to wrap it in more pork, amirite?
I figured since I had a few extra days to prepare I might finally become one of those people who’s really good at Christmas. You know, the kind of person who puts careful thought into what each person would really like and then goes out and gets exactly that.
Whelp, that didn’t happen.
Instead this did:
After all, it’s the thought that counts, right?
Granted the only thought I was thinking during my frenzied hour-long shopping spree in the liquor store was, “I hope they share.”
But, hey, it could have been worse. I could have just given everyone “Christmas apples” like they do in China.In my defense, I’ve been kind of busy, you guys.
You see, I’ve been using my time off of work to catch up on all those things I didn’t have any time to do during the semester, like, making doctor’s appointments and hanging out with friends and getting sauced with my grandma and watching every single episode of Toddlers and Tiaras EVER.
And I’ve been making presents for you.
I’m sure you’re all like, “Aww, you didn’t have to.”
But, seriously, you guys, I did have to.
You have been the awesomest this year.
You made me feel better every time I totally thought I was going to die while I was in China. Which was, like, every other week.
You listened to me whine about how I don’t know what I’m doing with my life for the fiftieth billionth time.
You stuck with me even after I left China and returned to the States and started to entirely blog about cheese. Even though I know a lot of you currently live in countries in Asia where cheese really isn’t a thing, so it couldn’t have been easy for you.
And, well, I can’t think of anything that says “Hey, thanks for being the awesomest” like a nice handmade present, can you?
Okay, don’t answer that.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get the crafty gene from my mom. Seriously, you guys, my mom is crazy-crafty. For Christmas, she made all the children in our family Raggedy Anne dolls. I should mention there are, like, a billion children in our family. And each doll took her, like, a billion hours to make. Because, apparently, she had to hand sew all their hair on. Instead of just using a hot glue gun which is totally what I would have done. And that’s probably the reason why I shouldn’t be allowed to make children’s toys.
The only thing I know how to make is spinach-artichoke dip. But I had a feeling that wouldn’t wrap very well.So, instead, I made you a bunch of stuff on the Internet.
Sure, uploading photos may not sound like much hard work. And, okay, it’s not exactly on par with hand sewing on doll hair. But I assure you it was ABSOLUTE TORTURE.
TORTURE, I SAY!
Seriously, there is nothing like going through a billion photos of amazing Vietnamese food and crack-filled coffee to make you realize what you’re missing in your life.
But I did it for you!
What can I say? I like to keep my romantic relationships private. At least when they involve moose.
Then, I made you this survey in which you can finally tell me what you really think of my blog and give me some advice on what you’d like to see me talk about on here. Besides, you know, cheese and booze.And, then, as if I hadn’t done enough for you already, I booked some travel tickets for you.
Okay, so maybe the travel tickets are actually for myself. But, I assure you, I was totally thinking about you when I booked them.
You see, over the next two weeks, I’ll be traveling to DC and North Carolina to visit friends and then stopping briefly in New York City on my way back. But rather than flying to my destinations, like, you know, sane people would do, I’ll be taking trains and buses the whole way. Which means I’ll be traveling for, like, a million-billion hours.
I’m doing this partly because I’m broke and crazy. And partly because I knew it would give me lots of material for a blog post. Or, umm, twenty-five blog posts. Depending on how long I want to stretch this thing out.
Plus, I know how you all love blurry photos taken from train and bus windows.
So, really, it may sound like I booked those tickets for myself.
But I really booked them for you.
You’re welcome.What’s your favorite gift that you’ve ever received this year? Besides, of course, all the ones I just gave you right now? P.S. Pretty please click on this link & fill out the survey. It’s super easy and short and you don’t have to log in or anything. I’ll love you forever and ever for doing it. I may even give you another pony.
P.P.S. Have any suggestions on stuff I should see or do in DC, North Carolina or New York City? Or maybe have a suggestion for what I should do during my million-billion hours of travel time? Let me know!