Decisions, Decisions
Attention: friends, family members, random readers of this blog who came across it after typing the words “girl’s guide to” and “bacon” into a Google search (To those readers, I apologize that this site is not everything you wished it were).
I have some news: I have quit my job! Okay, so I didn’t really “quit”… more like I just decided not to renew my contract at the end of this semester. And this isn’t exactly “news.” I decided this weeks ago but have been way too busy eating bacon and reporting on my eating habits to report this teensy little detail of my life. Plus, I’ve been kind of avoiding this teensy little detail of my life because if I face it, that means I have to face other teensy details of my life like the fact that maybe I should have saved a bit more money while I’ve been gainfully employed and maybe I should start actually looking for a new means of gainful employment rather than looking into fun, exciting ways I can blow through the little bit of savings I do have (is it any coincidence that the Jaipur Elephant Festival in India happens to be at just about the same time I’ll be out of a job? Or there’s the world famous Argungu Fishing Festival in Nigeria… and according to the website there’s even a goat skinning competition involved! Wow! That’s like a free bonus!).
It was a difficult decision to decide to leave my job. I’ve really enjoyed working with the students at my university over the past two and a half years, and I’ve learned a lot from my current position. I’ve become a much more efficient, effective, confident teacher. Gone are the days I would force my students to do the “Hokey Pokey” when they were caught speaking Japanese in class. Apparently this was not an effective language teaching method (although, I always thought “…and you shake it all about” to be an interesting use of the imperative form). But, when students from my grammar class began to write on the semester-end course evaluations things like, “The class was good, but there was too much dancing,” I knew I had to move on to other methods.
After six months of hemming and hawing and writing down countless dopey lists of why I should stay (“save more money”) or go (“goat skinning competition!!!”), I finally decided it was time to move on. After all, I had gone back into teaching English as a Second Language after a number of years of office drudgery for one reason: to be able to quit my job and move to a new country every three years or so and not look like a total hippie or hobo or escaped convict.
Okay, so there was also my love of teaching, my interest in working with a diverse group of people, my desire for a more creative and independent work environment and my ambition to spread the good, sweet wisdom of the “Hokey Pokey” to cultures around the globe (“You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around and that’s what it’s all about”… that IS what it’s all about, my friends!).
In general, as far as jobs that allow you to pick up and leave every couple years without looking like a total flake, teaching English in foreign countries really can’t be beat. For one thing, many countries only grant two or three-year visas. In fact, when I signed my original contract, my job was only supposed to last three years. But after my first year here, the university decided to extend teacher contracts up to six years (from what I understand this was not the result of my forced dancing in the classroom but despite it… go figure).
So with the decision to leave my current position made, there’s the even more difficult decision of where to go to next. I could find another position in Japan (as my friends here keep begging me to do… what can I say, a girl who knows how to “Hokey Pokey” is a popular girl in these parts!). Or I could move on to other exotic parts of the world where goat skinning isn’t just an annual festival activity but a means of making dinner (I know, tempting, right?!). Or I could move to Delaware!
Okay, so it’s much more likely that I will end up staying in Japan or setting off for Nigeria than I will settle down in Delaware. But I’m just the kind of person that imagines every possible life scenario for every possible job offered on the Internet. In the past two days alone, I have imagined my life as it would be in Akita-ken in Northern Japan (cold), Moscow (even colder), Indonesia (hot), Tajikistan (goat skinning!), Saudi Arabia (well-covered) and, you guessed it, Delaware (exciting! I mean this is the home of the World Championship Punkin Chunkin, a venerable affair which has been around for 24 years in fine town of Nassau, Delaware… oddly enough, the Punkin Chunkin Beauty Pageant has only been around for two… go figure).
Fortunately for me, the field of English teaching seems unaffected by this whole worldwide economic recession thing. Okay, so that’s probably not all together true, but still there doesn’t seem to be any shortage of ESL teaching jobs available to those who are willing and able. Go on any website featuring jobs for ESL teachers, and there are dozens of want ads with fun, catchy titles like, “Kazakhistan + Travel!” or “Unemployed English Major? Teach in Saudi Arabia!” and “It’s Time2Teach with Time2Talk English Academy in beautiful Southern Thailand”. (Apparently adhering to basic laws of English grammar are not necessary when advertising English teaching jobs).
Unfortunately for me, I’m horribly indecisive and it’s torturous trying to choose between spending the next couple years of my life in Kazakhistan, the ninth largest country in the world and home to besh barmak, a traditional dish that involves a whole boiled sheep’s head being placed before the honorable guest at the table (now doesn’t that sound like fun?!), or, say, Delaware, where I’m pretty sure I’d be a shoe-in for the next winner of the Punkin Chunkin Pageant, whose application form features two questions related to food (“favorite food” and “favorite place to eat”) and not a single query about weight, height or ways in which you plan to change the world.
Of course, many of the teaching gigs advertised on these websites are not exactly suitable for someone of my (ahem) esteemed background, training and experience. Truth be told, most of these jobs require little more than a bachelor’s degree (in anything from English literature to turfgrass science) and a pulse (while the bachelor’s degree requirement seems standard, I’m pretty sure the pulse-requisite is optional judging from some of the people I’ve met teaching English in these parts!).
Of course, you do need to be able to speak English (of some sort) and write in English (again, this requirement seems a bit vaguely defined judging from the syntax used in some of the ads mentioned above). So, basically, all you need to have done is either grown up in or spent a large portion of your life in an English speaking environment in order to get one of these jobs. Which, frankly, is a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. It’s like handing out mechanic’s certifications to people who know how to drive a car or doctor’s degrees to people who can complete the following sentence correctly: “The leg bone is connected to the _____ bone.” In fact, it was my pure luck of being born in the States to an English-speaking family, that got me my first two teaching gigs. While I had received my undergraduate degree in English, my field of study was much more concerned about discussing the metaphorical significance of female fecundity in James Joyce’s Ullyses and not so concerned about diagramming sentences (a skill I wouldn’t learn… and promptly forget… until I was in graduate school receiving my Master’s degree in TESOL).
Given the rather low standards required to obtain many English teaching gigs overseas, people tend to be not so impressed when I announce that I’m an English teacher in Japan. This statement is usually followed by one of the following statements:
“Oh, I was thinking about doing that… and then I got a real job.”
“Oh, my cousin did that for a couple years… but he’s a bit touched in the head.”
“Oh, that’s soooo cute! You got yourself a big girl job, didn’t you? Oh yes you did, yes you did!” (followed by lots of high-pitched cooing noises and some games of “I got your nose”).
When I announce that I actually have my degree in teaching English as a Second Language (an advanced degree, mind you) this is met with pure consternation. I met one person who has been teaching English in Japan for ten years. When I told him I had my Master’s in Teaching English as a Second Language, he replied, “Oh, they have those?!” Admittedly, I was pretty surprised when I found this out myself… but still.
Judging from the websites I’ve been perusing, the jobs available for people with my (ahem) background, training and experience are a bit fewer and farther between. Unfortunately for most people, this means less to choose from. Fortunately for me, this means less to choose from. (I’ve mentioned I’m just a tad bit indecisive, right?!)
But, even with fewer options, there’s still quite a few tantalizing prospects. For example, at the present moment, there are jobs for people with my (ahem) experience available in Lithuania, Morocco, Macau, Dubai, South Korea, Saudi Arabia, Taiwan, Nicaragua, India and, you guessed it, Delaware! While I’m glad it’s not the hundreds of jobs on offer to those of (ahem) less experience, it’s still a pretty difficult decision to make: Lithuania (where 41 days of vacation per year is standard!) or home of the Punkin Chunkin?! (Of course, I have yet to actually apply and/or be accepted for these jobs so debating over the job I would pick before actually being offered said jobs may be a bit, umm, premature… to say the least).
Being faced with way too many options is making me more than a bit crazy at the moment.
But, I’m not alone.
Apparently, options are the very cause of our unhappiness (please do not tell this to the fine folks at Baskin Robbins, where options, especially options related to chocolate and swirls of caramel, make me very, very happy). According to a recent article by Maureen Dowd in the New York Times, women are experiencing an all-time high level of unhappiness triggered by an all-time high level of options. Dowd quotes one expert as saying, “Choice is inherently stressful and women are being driven to distraction.”
Of course, the article is about women who are making slightly different choices than my current one. They are not so concerned about “Lithuania versus Delaware” and “elephant festival versus goat skinning competition” as they are about “stay-at-home mom versus working mom,” “public school versus private school,” “corner office versus home in time for dinner,” and “grow old gracefully versus hair dye and botox.” Sheez, no wonder women are unhappy these days! That’s a lot of choices to make, and even if you do make a choice you feel is the right one, chances are ten or twelve years down the line you’re going to end up with a teenaged child who firmly believes your decision, whatever it was, was a horrible, life-ruining decision.
In the end, while deciding where to go next is both stressful and distracting, I’m happy I have the choices I do. (I’m also quite happy that I won’t be ruining any teenagers’ lives with my choices! Unless you count all the teenagers I have forced to do the “Hokey Pokey” at some point in my career). It may be stressful to have so many choices, but it’s also pretty exciting.
As they say, the world is my oyster… unless I end up in Kazakhstan, where the world is a boiled sheep’s head being served to me on a platter… same difference, really.
